So, I am suffering from terrible case of oneitis and just feel like a shitty person overall.

I am 23/M, have always been fat which ruined my confidence and caused me to literally have zero experience with girls. While everyone was dating and hooking up at 18, I was playing video games.

My life sucked.

I will be soon graduating from university and now I'm starting to realize what a shit-hole my life has been. I started lifting and dressing better, but emotionally I'm terribly insecure and needy.

Long story short, I met this girl 8 months ago and asked her out for coffee. I thought it went quite well, but she later explicitly told me that she's not interested in relationship. After the first date, I tried to kiss her, she rejected me but immediately after added me on Facebook and called me to hang out. I was too scared to initiate further but thought that she is interested in me romantically and that something will happen over time.

Of course, I ended up friend-zoned. It hurt so badly, so I started over pursuing her, constantly trying to get out of the friend-zone but had little courage to accept rejection, because I had no options with other girls. I finally vomited my feelings one day and that pushed her away even further, which only increased my oneitis.

I would get visibly upset when I saw her with other guys, even though she rejected me and wanted to have nothing with me. It was so weird and creepy but I couldn't help myself. I still don't know how to.

I started reading books like No more Mr. Nice guy and Models, began to ignore her on purpose and only kept telling her that I want to go out with her because I find her attractive.

We went out for drink one last time a and she was visibly upset and uncomfortable by my presence. It caused me to lose all my confidence and attraction for her. We started arguing, she explained that for the whole time we hang out she found me weird and creepy for being hung up on her and basically wants to have nothing to do with me. She also said that she will never again accept any coffees from random strangers because of this experience.

I know that I need to have abundance mentality, but this girl was really nice and friendly and I feel like a shit because of the way things worked out. I was being a needy bitch for 8 months due to my inability to accept rejection, and ended up hurting her in the end.

I cut all contact but feel so broken and sad inside that I don't know how to move on further. I am scared that this experience will happen again in the future.