Introduction

What's up, fellas?

Welcome to my first field report. To give the briefest bit of background on me, I spent many years as a lonely little boy, who was homeschooled and then forced to go to an all-male high school. Does that sound like a great way to create a confused and repressed young man? 'Cuz it definitely is!

I got a girlfriend when I was 17, dated her for two and a half years, then we broke up. This relationship did nothing to solve the fear of women I developed over the years; in fact, I didn't start to get over that until this past May, when I decided to take advantage of being 21 and started to approach girls in bars, trying to put into use the years and years of pickup-artist-bullshit that I'd been reading since high school. It went okay but I wasn't seeing results--all I had to show for the effort was about a dozen phone numbers from girls who never texted me. I did, however, manage to make some actual friends and I decided to focus on developing those friendships instead of trying to get laid all the time. Which, I'm happy to say, was a success! I now have a group of friends who I love and enjoy spending time with, which is more rewarding than sex. Uh, maybe.

Those friends introduced me to several girls that I ended up going out with. Neither of them slept with me, but I dated the second one for two full months, caught feelings hard, asked her to be in a relationship with me, then got my heart sliced out of my body with an obsidian blade then held, still beating, before my lonely sad eyes.

That was almost two months ago, and I've spent that time being bitter and drinking too much. Last weekend though, I had a Moment of Profound Personal Development when my sadness about the relationship finally burnt up and died, and out of the ashes rose a great red phoenix of frustration. I decided that I'm done with the dinner dates, done with the flowers, done letting people make a fool and a shmuck out of me, and most of all done being too anxious to fully go for it, ya know?

That's right, /r/seduction, I'm back on the wagon of pickup-artist-bullshit, and this time I'm fully dedicated. I don't care if I have to embarrass myself in front of every woman in this town--I'll burn it to the ground and move on to the next one.

Phew. Unfortunately for anybody reading this I love the sound of my own voice, or at least the sound of my own fingers on the keyboard. Fortunately, this is the only time I'll need to type this background.

Long story short I went out alone tonight, which is a big deal for me because I've never done that before, even though I've thought of it often. I also haven't done a cold approach in months. I did three tonight, which isn't too many, but 1) it wasn't a very busy night, and 2) it was my first time doing this alone, I was nervous, and fuck you I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back anyway. My therapist says that one of my problems is that I set unachievable goals, so for my own mental health I'm letting myself be happy with three approaches. Here's the breakdown:

Approach #1

Situation:

I walked past a group of four girls on my way to the bathroom. One of them shouted something that I thought was my name (it was not) so I turned around. She apologized for startling me and I proceeded to the bathroom. After that, I stood next to her to buy a drink, then tapped her on the shoulder and asked her playfully why she yelled at me. We talked for a few minutes, I told her that I was supposed to meet a friend there who had just told me that he wasn't coming (a lie,) asked her how she knew her three friends (two sisters and a coworker,) talked about her job (nurse,) spoke briefly to one of her sisters, then an awkward pause settled over us and I walked away.

What I did right:

  • Approached in the first place
  • Pushed through the awkwardness even though I could have ejected earlier

What I could have done better:

  • I wish I just started talking to them when she accidentally got my attention. It was awkward to try to restart it.
  • From my position buying a drink, I was directly behind her when I got her attention, which was, again, awkward. I was totally on the outside of the group, and couldn't really break into a larger conversation.
  • I lied about trying to meet a friend there, which was just an excuse for being alone. A white lie isn't a huge deal but I wish I could have just owned the reality. Would it have been weird to say that I was getting out of the house for a bit or trying to make friends?
  • I said "what a lame night" because my 'friend' didn't show up. I don't want to spread negative energy and I think that's exactly what I did there.
  • I could have put more effort into engaging the whole group. Something like "so she's your sister? Older or younger? Did she bully you like my sisters did to each other?" Lame or no?
  • The conversation we had was just about her job and other basic shit. Super boring. Could have tried to make more interesting conversation, but in my defense it really didn't seem to be going anywhere anyway. Maybe I'm just making excuses.

Approach #2

Situation:

Approached a guy with the two hottest girls in the bar. This isn't saying a hell of a lot because it was a slow night and 90% dudes, but still. Asked if I could sit with them because the friend who was supposed to meet me decided not to come and I needed to make new friends--Girl 1 said yes and made room for me. We exchanged names then she got up to throw darts. I introduced myself to the others by complimenting the guy's glasses (a genuine compliment, I liked them) and exchanging names with Girl 2. They were both abrupt and very unfriendly, almost hostile. When Girl 1 sat back down we talked a bit more about not-really-anything then she turned her back to me. I got the message and left the bar since there was nobody else to talk to.

What I did right:

  • Approached in the first place
  • Positioned myself inside the group
  • Addressed everybody

What I could have done better:

  • I guess I could have pushed the conversation just a little bit more before giving up. I don't want to blame other people for my failures, but I think they were just genuinely unfriendly people. If they made more conversation with me I could have had to opportunity to make more mistakes to learn from.

Approach #3

Situation:

In some ways this was the best approach of the night and in some ways the worst. I walked into a different bar, saw a group of three girls sitting at the bar, and wondered how to approach three girls just sitting in a line--then saw four girls at a high table on the other side of the room. Walked over and realized that I didn't know what the hell I was going to say, so defaulted to an old line I used to use in the summer ("Can I ask you a philosophical question? If you could create a hybrid animal by combining two animals, what would it be?") I'm not crazy about this line--it worked well when I was just starting to get used to approaching because it was something to say, but I've realized that it's a little indirect and doesn't really lead in a sexual direction. Plus, I never know what to say once everybody gives their answer. I usually get everybody's names, ask 'so what are you guys up to tonight?' and then everybody slowly loses interest in me and I walk away. Part of my Moment of Profound Personal Development was the realization that I need to switch my approach because what I've been doing is obviously not working--so I decided to retire the line. Until tonight, when I just blanked and then blurted it out.

Honestly, it went pretty well, the girls seemed excited to have something to talk about and were enthusiastic and open with their responses. Not to mention quite cute. I even got some light teasing in. The only problem? I had the bad luck of approaching three sisters with their mother. I'm sure somebody out there has some kind of guide to picking up girls in front of their mom, but I unfortunately never read it. I got scared of the mom, asked if they had seen the friend I was supposed to meet there, and left the bar.

What I did right:

  • Approached in the first place
  • Didn't pussyfoot around and walked right up to the table
  • Engaged the whole group and got in some mild flirtatious teasing
  • Solid eye contact

What I could have done better:

  • Didn't introduce myself or ask for names
  • Chickened out when I realized their mom was there
  • Based on the vibe I got from the girls, compared to vibes past, I could have probably gotten one of their numbers if I took in conversation all the way to the end. Part of me wishes I just did so anyway, but I simply don't have the balls to hit on a girl in front of her mom. Yet. Just as I realized that one of the women at the table was much older, before they told me she was their mom, I thought about saying "you must all be sisters, right? quadruplets?" but I didn't do it. Ah, bitter regret--such a familiar yet unwelcome visitor to my mind.

Conclusion/Questions

I know this isn't the kind of edge-of-your-chair Las Vegas nightclub field report that you're all used to, but I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. I would really love any and all feedback you guys have to offer. A few specific questions I have:

  • Say you use an opinion opener. How do you keep the conversation going after everybody contributes?
  • How do you approach a group of three girls sitting in a row at a bar, all facing in? My concern is that I'll only be able to talk to someone on the outside, who will inevitably be drawn back into the conversation with her two friends.
  • I'm going out again tomorrow, this time with friends. Any random tips or challenges based on what I presented here?

Also accepting feedback on the field report itself. I know it's a little long, maybe I put in too much detail. I'm gonna be writing a lot more of these because I'm dedicated to figuring this shit out.

Until next time,

-Vandal