As a bit of background, I moved to a new country 9 months ago and have been living 40 minutes from the city centre with the family of a friend. I'm working a lot and work remotely so I got very comfortable being at home and rarely go into the city. But for the past 3 months I've been doing Stronglifts 5x5 accompanied by NoFap and plenty of listening to ET the Hip Hop Preacher and reading TRP material etc.

I almost didn't go out tonight but something within me said 'No. You fucking get out there no matter what.' So I did.

Here's what I learned:

  • It helps to have a plan. I'm in a foreign country where there's a definite language barrier, so going to places where there is a higher percentage of English speakers helps. I spent a lot of time wandering aimlessly and sitting in bars which don't really facilitate an open social culture (everyone is at small tables). If I'd have planned a few 'target rich' places in advance the night could have been different.

  • Learn to recognise opportunities when they present themselves. A cute girl approached me in the street and asked me if I knew where so and so street was. I just said I was a little lost too and she left. That really struck me, how unconditioned I was to seize opportunities. I will make it a priority to try and turn every single opportunity into something beyond what is expected.

  • Leading on from that, condition yourself with the 3 second rule. There were a few lone girls or girls in twos/small groups that I walked past speaking English but my lack of conditioning didn't prioritise my approaching them.

  • Don't make it about other people. Enjoy spending time with yourself. The people you meet may be a welcome addition to your reality, but it's you who brings the party. You are a pleasure to be around. You can bring out smiles in people effortlessly. You amuse yourself first.

  • Don't expect miracles. In my mind, I set a goal that I would approach a girl and express my attraction towards her. That didn't happen. But, I must credit myself at least for putting myself out there. It takes time just to even get comfortable being out alone and to find your feet, and there's no reason to rush. I'm in this for the long haul, so I will prioritise consistency over all else. As Eric Thomas says, just 'get to the SPOT'. The habit is the most important thing. If you place too much expectation on yourself you'll fall off faster than shit off a shovel.

A part of me feels like a massive failure because it feels like nothing came of the night at all, but actually I did get the sense that, with time, all the theory will be quickly internalised. It can only get better from here.

To anyone who is struggling to go out alone, KEEP GOING! It's fucking tough, but you will thank yourself in 3 months, 6 months, a year and beyond.