Long time redditor, new account.

Not exactly an FR because I wasn't out trying to open (never mind close) people, but I did take a lot of lessons from here about body language and a proper state of mind out with me for the first time and I could see the difference it made dramatically.

I'm in the process of a horrible and traumatic break-up from a very long-term, loving realtionship. It's ending in a mutual and civil way, but it's still the saddest I've ever felt and the most personally challenging thing I've dealt with (which in many ways, speaks to my good fortune in life I suppose). We've learned to be adults together and still share a deep friendship, even if maybe I'd rather we didn't at the moment. It doesn't matter, point is, I'm a mess and it's totally ok to be with this one at this point.

I'm nowhere near taking the best kind of care for myself yet or prepared for any kind of dating (nor would it be appropriate because the final fate of my relationship is not yet clear, though looking grim), but I started reading stuff here for basic techniques at confidence building and reclaiming some sense of control over my romantic destiny. It's been a real eye opener. I'm a funny and smart guy and a naturally passionate communicator about things that are important to me, but I can recognize I've been over-needy and under-valued myself and in the past, and it probably doesn't take much to put me in a very submissive position (working on fixing that). I'm also fairly short and very out of shape at the moment, which I know aren't problems for the truly self-possessed man, but I feel like they're obvious obstacles (fortunately, one of them I can do something about) when I haven't tried really flirting with strange women in over 5 years.

Anyways, I went out last night with my best friend (female, HB9, awesome I know, but truly my oldest and most trusted friend) and just tried to really nail some basics about confident and relaxed body language, playfulness and just generally keeping a state of mind along the lines of that "if anything I'm a prize worth working for, I do not need impress anyone" and "Who gives a fuck? I'm just out for drinks with my friend."

I didn't open anything with anyone, it wasn't what I was out for. But I had a super cute bartender (HB8) give me her number at the end of night. It was not requested, just included on my check... I was incredibly taken aback, never had anything like that happen in my life ever. Two other girls (HB 5 or 6 but super fun/funny girls) ask to get my digits earlier after a good half hour of fun conversation. This was strictly friendly on my part and I feel their numbers were as well, but it's been a long time since I got that familiar with strange women at a bar and it felt good to just be interacting on that level. The bartender though? That really blew my mind. Never in my life.

Even my friend admitted to being taken a bit aback and said I was glowing and "should get my heart broken more often" if these were the results. Don't get me wrong, I'm the saddest I've ever been inside, but last night my goal was just to have fun for myself and it apparently shined though well enough and I feel it was largely due to positive body language that I learned about here. She's a killer wingman BTW, her looks and height are unreal, but she's also a very perceptive woman who likes a good social game of any kind, so I'm grateful for her being around and supportive moving forward.

I'm completely unpracticed (and I'm not sure you could call last night any kind of practice, it was just me experimenting with new knowledge about body language and trying to be in "state") and presently a mess, and I genuinely don't want to meet or close anyone right now. But even at this vulnerable stage, just going out with a good attitude and some body language basics made me feel like "the man" and I really needed that last night, so thank you everyone. I wanted to say thank you for people sharing what works in remembering your own value and effectively presenting it, because even at the most basic level I could see how and why it works and in ways more dramatic than I expected. Goodluck to all!