Thank. you. Seddit!

Background (rant, skip): Being the classical nerd through mid and high school can really kill your fate in your own desirability. Basically, up until a few weeks ago, deep down, I did not believe that women desired me. Even two long term relationships really could not lift the feeling of being sexually not quite what women hope for. You can get nice girlfriends and be the "perfect" boyfriend that girls think they want without ever being comfortable in initiating anything sexual. Being insecure is a deep pit. Without the confidence, it's close to impossible to get the positive feedback needed to get out. But I'm telling you: it is doable.

After breaking up from a long term relationship and moving to more lively area, I've been feeling really good about myself. I'm pretty new to the community, but I've thrown myself completely to it. I'm talking four nights in the field per week, three of which sober and two of which solo. I've had some good progress, but still it's been close to impossible to initiate kino unless I'm totally wasted. I've just felt terrified about the very real aspect of showing my desire and being rejected. Living in a pretty rigid culture where women hide their desire as play nice really haven't helped.

FR: What it took to go from zero to full kino courage was one Spannish girl (HB7). To know that she is from a more open minded culture and open to touch just. felt. so. good. In short, to touch a girl who knows what she wants is a prerequisite to showing girls what they want.

Initially, I (hope I) approached her in the dance floor from the front. I gave her some line I don't really remember and touched her back to hear what she had to say. It took me way too long to escalate. For the first time, I remembered the routines and isolated her by asking her to showing her some other areas of the club. After some miserable talking in a corner, we went back to check on her friends. I felt that I've blown it and gave her some space by hanging around the bar, acknowledging the very real possibility that I might not meet her again. Amazingly, she showed up, I took her to the swings (yeah, the bar had some) and kissed her, right about when she had had enough of me not doing anything about it. After that, it was child's play. To know she wants to be touched enabled me to be confident and rub myself all over her on the dance floor (this is where I would have previously blew it at the latest). Her friend left, and she stayed behind. Something that never happens in Finland. I knew that I could just ask her to go to my place.

I realize I have a long journey to go from here to full kino whenever I feel like it, but I'm gonna love every turn of it. From now on out, I'm going to know that there is nothing wrong with me if a girl doesn't like my touch. It's just that she isn't comfortable with herself (or me). Either way, I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Some points: - If, at some deep level, you feel that you should change something about your life, REMIND yourself that it is going to feel awesome to act on that feeling despite being absolutely terrified about it. - Not all girls are comfortable with their sexuality. If your just getting comfortable with it yourself, look for a bit older girl or a girl from an open minded culture. - Keep in mind, that it may take many years of unconscious desire towards the change plus a few month of intense, conscious effort to get there. The good news is that once you stand up and hit the clubs, you are in the intense phase. Which is to say, almost there. - From my adventures, I've devised a theory that being sober gives you an ego boost equivalent to approx. 6 beers. Just listen to your favorite music (at full volume), read Above the Game and hit the clubs. But you really have to want the change and feel good about learning the art of seduction first.

TL;DR. If you are insecure about kino, find a (foreign) girl who's really secure about it.