Ctrl+F "NIGHT OUT" for the events of the evening

Ctrl+F "KEYS TO VICTORY" for some techniques/analysis.

Ctrl+F "SM1" and "SM2" for the smooth lines I threw down

About me: I'm an Arab guy in my late 20s working in marketing. Not particularly good-looking necessarily, but I try to dress well, and I'm blessed to be tall (6'3). I haven't gone out to the bars in almost two years because of my job and schedule. Full disclosure: I don't consider myself a PUA - I don't read about techniques and all of that because being social/playful has always sort of come naturally to me. That said, I can certainly pinpoint some things that I do, which many may find helpful.

Background: I'm from LA, but considering relocating to South Dakota for work. Long story, but LA is expensive as fuck, super saturated for my market, AND one of my closest friends works here and loves his job, so he got me an interview. I figured I'd explore and come up for the weekend.

NIGHT OUT

Friday night was uneventful - we went to a bar and caught up. Saturday night though, we were primed to get down and have fun. We went out to a bar to get a nice buzz going. I noticed immediately though that it was gonna be rough for me.
South Dakota is not particularly diverse, so I stuck out like a sore thumb, and in general, people were not down to dance or get acquainted with a fucking terrorist. No worries though, because I was there to enjoy myself. Most of the night was me getting rejected, and the vast majority of people straight up ignored me, which I had only rarely experienced. I continued to drink and dance though hopping from bar to bar. (South Dakota has a serious DJ problem, I discovered). As the night was winding down, my friend and I begrudgingly went to this dive-y bar with a live cover band playing some weird Good Charlotte, Blink 182, etc type music. Not necessarily my style, but whatever I decided to go all in. I noticed that the floor was starting to clear out, but there was this beautiful brunette (more black than brown hair) who was out there with a couple of dudes. I decided to post up in their vicinity and just go ape-shit. As it turned out, my friend somehow knew one of the guys who was with the girl. I discreetly asked my friend if the girl was dating that guy, and my buddy said "no, I have no idea who that is." Works for me. I continued going all out, occasionally making eye contact with this girl, but largely staying in my world of rocking out. During a brief silence, she tapped me on the arm and said "I like your dance moves." I thanked her and told her she was likely the only person who felt that way and went back to my shit. I let another song go by, and as that one died down, I asked her who she came to the bar with. She told me that she just moved to SD a couple of weeks ago, and that guy she was with was her roommate. I danced sort of next to her and she tells me she's "all danced out." To which I replied "oh yeah? well my shit is rigorous," and I kept on gyrating. I noticed she was still grooving, so I tapped her arm and said "Hey. You lied to me." Her: "What? What do you mean?" Me: "You told me you were all danced out, what the fuck is all this?" I then did a shitty version of her moves, got a cheap laugh and told her I was all danced out, and had a seat on a barstool behind us. She joined me. I'll continue below, but I think now is a good time for some breakdown.

KEYS TO VICTORY: (The first 2 are more general; the rest are specific to my night out)

  1. I cannot stress this enough. Enjoy your own company. Too often people limit themselves out of fear of rejection, embarrassment, being judged, etc. Who the fuck cares if you're "that weirdo dancing by himself in the bar?" If you're doing it as a ruse for attention, people can see right through that shit. My decision to dance solo and accept that I could very well be rejected all night and go home alone was a perfectly fine outcome for me.

  2. Everyone has some kind of "disadvantage." Leave that negative nonsense at home. "I'm too short." "I'm too fat." "I have acne." "She's way too attractive for me." All of that is complete bullshit. My "disadvantage" was being the only Arab person in an exclusively white area. I wouldn't be surprised if many of the people in the bar had never seen someone like me before. Don't let that shit get in your way. Will some people avoid you altogether because of whatever shit you have? Yes. Absolutely. But that's ok, because everyone also has desirable qualities that can sweep someone off their feet. Focus on those.

And now onto the good stuff:

  1. Try and scope out the logistics of a situation before approaching.

It's not always possible, but it helps. Finding out that this girl was not tied to either of the guys she was out with made it a lot easier for me. I could certainly ask her directly, but in my experience that kind of kills the vibe b/c they then sort of expect "the moves" to be put on for them. Instead, I was able to approach with supreme confidence, and this girl doesn't immediately have her guard up.

  1. Be patient. I DON'T mean wait so long that she loses interest. But being heavily into your own shit creates some intrigue. This girl really was very beautiful. But just because she seems to want to converse doesn't mean I have to drop what I'm doing and join her. I was feeling the music, she was clearly showing some amount of interest, and she can fucking wait until I'm done.

  2. Be playful. I don't like the "cocky/funny" thing b/c it's a fine line to straddle and (esp for newbies) can be hard to tell whether you're pulling it off or just being an asshole. When I accused her of lying, initially she was surprised and wondered what I was talking about, and she later learned that it was a very clear (and inoffensive) stupid joke. "Negging" is fucking garbage. Don't do it.

  3. Isolate. When it's clear you're both feeling each other and having a good time, get her alone. It shows that you're interested and not just a friendly guy who talks to people while dancing. Doesn't have to be super elaborate or complicated. I literally just grabbed a stool and sat while everyone else was still dancing. Her joining me meant we were gonna spend some one on one time.

Back to the night

So we're now sitting and get through all the bullshit who are you where are you from crap. While this is going on I see that she has a ring on her L ring finger. As she's talking, I cut her off mid-sentence and say: "Stop. Wtf is this?" She explains herself and she's actually not engaged or married. (SM1) As we're talking, she then says: "So tell me about yourself." Me: "What? This is not a job interview. Ask a better question." She follows up with "What are your two biggest weaknesses?" I respond with "Hmmm. Well number 1 is definitely physical strength; I'm a bit of a pansy. And number 2... I'm gonna need your hand for this one." She places her hand in mine, and I look her right in the eyes "My second weakness.... is tall brunettes with brown eyes." This girl absolutely melted. She tried to play it cool, but very clearly could not. Now normally this is where I would go in for the kiss, but the vibe just felt off. I didn't want to go in and catch her completely off guard, so I waited. (SM2) Out of nowhere, she asked me a couple of would you rather questions - I think she was a little nervous/shy. Her questions were very tame, and I answered them honestly. I then told her that I had one for her. "Would you rather... Wait for the next time I'm in SD and we magically meet again (spoiler alert: we won't), OR, just go for it right now?" She picked "NOW" and we spent the better part of an hour dancing and making out in the bar. Couldn't go any further due to logistics unfortunately. I had an early flight and her place was pretty far.

KEYS TO VICTORY (cont...)

  1. Kino. I hate that word, but touch is important. Be mindful of boundaries. I would say upper arm is least threatening, which is how my escalation started. I like fiddling with jewelry as a nice excuse to keep it going. Bracelet first, maybe a ring (as above), maybe a cool necklace. I'm sure some guys can do the same with earrings as well, but earrings don't interest me, and that would be transparent as fuck. Asking for her hand sealed the deal this time.

  2. Try to maintain control of the conversation. I DON'T mean that you should talk over her. Rather, ask questions that lead you to the conversation you want to have. Too much boring conversation leads to boredom (obvs) and loss of interest. I could sense that happening when she asked her shitty questions, so I had to flip the script on her.

  3. Don't be predictable. That follows in line with my point above about being boring. When this girl asked me about my weaknesses, I was not about to self reflect and pour my heart out to a stranger who I wanted to bone. So I turned answer 1 into a self-deprecating joke (I'm no adonis, but it's very unlikely that a man my size is a pansy. Even though I totally am.) And the second answer was designed to redirect the conversation, get physical again, and send a subtle (or not) reminder that I thought that she was beautiful and I was talking to her bc I wanted to take her home, not because I was lonely and need a therapy session. Tell me your weaknesses. Fuck outta here.

  4. CONSENT IS IMPORTANT. This is so fucking important that I want you to imagine me actually screaming at you. Based on how our interaction had gone, I was pretty sure that this girl would have liked to make out. That said, I got a weird vibe that maybe she was charmed, but wasn't comfortable making out with a stranger in a bar. Many guys would rather go for it and deal with whatever happens if it goes poorly. As a general rule for myself though, if I have any doubts about whether or not a girl is digging my vibe, I ask. AND NO. Not in a nervous, sweaty, stuttery mood killer "Uh-uh-uh... is it ok if I kiss you?" The would you rather was perfect in this scenario. I've also used "Hey. I want to touch your face with my face." Catastrophic if used on the wrong person lol, but I guess you just have to feel things out about her sense of humor and level of rapport.

Anyway, so that's pretty much a wrap for my night. Props to anyone who made it this far. Now go have fun.

EDIT: Fuck this reddit numbering system. I'm done trying to fix it.