Yeah, I know this subreddit isn't big on number closes, but I learned something from this. This is also really short, so I won't drag it on.

Trying to be more outgoing, scouting for venues that I go to, just trying to "do me" and have a life even if it isn't much of a social life.

I try not to do it, but every now and then I try to game servers/waitresses at restaurants that I visit. And I've noticed the following phenomenon:

  • Come in confident, wearing decent clothes (nice jeans, button-up, etc), and give strong eye contact with whoever's waiting on you (we'll assume she's an HB). My mindset is generally "I'm here for me." Self-entitlement.
  • Then get your food (at fast food) and sit to eat, or order and eat your food.

What generally happens is that I'll get proximity from the server/waitress. A few minutes later she'll come out, and start clearing off tables, and wander by. Sure, might be reading into things, but approach invitations can be subtle. At least, I'm not the kind of guy who girls are going to be getting all hot and bothered just meeting me, so I'm going to assume that at least some of them are.

Last Monday it was at a hibachi buffet and I noticed this with the waitress who was serving me. She's Asian, and speaks very bad English, so maybe I shouldn't have gamed her, but she took my order for my drink and brought it back. The she was literally standing behind me while I was eating. I didn't turn around to look, but she seemed like she didn't know whether to stand or leave. Took this as an IOI.

Next IOI was when I asked for my check. I thought "Well, maybe..." and started chatting her up a little. Something like:

Me: Never been to a Hibachi Buffet before. So the guy just cooks up whatever you put in your dish--I'll have to try that next time.

Her: You can try that now!

Me: Nah, I'm full. You seem like you'd get full pretty fast. Do you eat here?

Her: Oh, I'm going back to college in September. I'm going to study to get better at my English.

Obviously, she misunderstood what I said to her, probably because her English is pretty bad. She assumed I was asking about her. This was unintentional, but my sense is ambiguity and uncertainty can be valuable tools. It's a great way of pulling out what her thoughts or feelings are. I took this as an IOI.

I missed a beat, and she went away with my debit card. I knew I had another chance when she came back for me to sign the reciept. I signed it, put her tip on it, and she did her proximity thing again. I kind of felt I would have disappointed her if I didn't ask for her number. So I offered to help her practice her English, and asked her for her number. After she gave it to me, I have her a little shoulder hug. She acted a little awkward from the move, probably because it's unexpected, but I wanted to make at least some impression before leaving. From my perspective, it didn't seem awkward to me, she just seems inexperienced maybe.

I texted her the next day, "HB7! This is parolang, we met at the buffet. We'll talk later." Called her the day after, at least I know it's her number. For some reason I worried that she misunderstood me and wrote down the number for the restaurant. She addressed me by name. We talked a little about her job and her classes, and she's going to be a nurse. I asked if she wanted to play pool Saturday, and she said that she's busy with work. Honestly, it's probably true. Most restaurants hire more on the weekends than any other time. I told her I was busy with work and school, so don't have a lot of free time. I talked a little after that, just asking about her and trying to relate a little bit. I ended by telling her that I had to get ready for work, and to let me know if she wanted to practice her English sometime.

Conclusion: I don't think I did bad. I think her reluctance is due primarily to her own anxiety. Her interest level has also lowered quite a bit since the first meeting, as I utterly failed to DHV (not entirely sure how I, personally, can DHV as I'm not exactly very high value).

I'm probably not going to contact her again, I think this is a bust. I also will want to go back to that buffet again and don't want things to be weird. It might work as social proof if I bring a girl there, and I already know the waitress.

Anyway, hope this was useful. Way longer than I intended it to be.