Thursday was the final night before I start a week long stint with the kids and I hadn't seen my wingman in a while. I'd been sort of down on the whole getting divorced situation and a relative lack of hotness in my life, but decided to go have fun.

First bar was mostly dead. We took a few drinks; I told the cute girl with flowered pants at the bar that I loved her pants, but she was young. She told me she liked my shirt but I bailed / didn't have the courage and anyways, she was a kid, but most importantly, I wasn't feeling like I could pull it off. Physically I wanted her, but she was taking pictures of drinks for social media or whatever and is there anything more boring that that?

Next bar was worse than dead. We sit outside and take a drink. Two milfs come by in skirts looking like they are ready, but are both sporting diamond rings. Wingman and I agree that we will refer to woman with rings as 'being stressed out' as a code word.

Next bar my buddy is looking for a girl he's been trying to get with. They've been out, but he has failed to pull the trigger. I'm about 1/2 drunk now. Walk in, and I see my ex wife and her boss having drinks, I suspect they're up to it, I know *he* wants her. I get walk up and don't start a fight, but kind of challenge the guy like a drunk idiot; I back down.

Anyway, she knows my wingman from the old days, so she comes and talks to us some after bossman bails. My wingman is like, "I haven't seen her in ten years, she looks fucking choice, man". Yeah, no kidding! Thanks, man.

But now I'm 2/3 drunk and down on the situation. My friends girl comes around and they're talking, and this fucking dude is refusing to take yes for an answer from this chick, and I'm like, 'come on man, ditch me and go'. This chick is cool, smart, fit and cute as hell, and she flirts with me too, and I'm like, dude this guy has to be making this happen or I'm gonna do something. But he doesn't. I am dejected, so we next door to another bar.

They've got Karaoke so I sign up. DJ knows who I am because I can light the crowd up like that, and he immediately slides me in, I wreck Its Martini Time! I'm about 3/4 drunk now, and I don't really give a flying fuck about how it looks, and own the shit out of it. Look at that, this super hot blonde chick and an older woman are cheering me on and clapping for as I finish up. (It's martini time!)

So, instead of out thinking myself that there is some reason this fucking *amazingly hot and young* chick isn't into me, I immediately grab my shit and post up next to her. That was great Love your shirt! It's a mom and daughter duo, and they are there to party. Mom goes talking to some guy, and the daughter slides me mom's shot and we take some mint flavored whiskey. Guys, this chick is twenty years younger than me (or more!), and has a body that will make me forget about my ex wife in a hot fucking second. We are flirting, touching each other, leaning in. And at no point did I tell myself, 'this chick is out of your league'. I definitely had some dry spells in conversation but we talked and flirted for about two hours. We sang a duet on the Karaoke stage (Funky Cold Medina), danced to some Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was fun as shit. About 12:15 I was like, man, I gotta go (had to work today, starting a shift with the kids tonight). I handed her my phone and got her number. Texted her when I got home along the lines of 'Great meeting you. Upon my triumphant return from California, let's go out and you tell me about [her weird farming job], and I'll show you pictures from my trip to Africa'. An hour later, she responds, 'Sounds like a plan to me!'. Guys. Absolutely, without a doubt, my first bar 'get a phone number' score in 47 years, and this girl is a total looker. I don't know if she'll remember me, or bail in a few weeks, or her and her mother are a black widow hunting operation, but I still felt triumphant as fuck.

So I get to work this morning, tired AF, but I am on top of the goddamn world, because it is mine for the taking. I go upstairs to the ice machine, and sure as shit, there is the hot milf lawyer that I've been eyeballing. I was pretty sure she knows what I was thinking and liked it. Some shit bird was sitting there talking about some dumb ass shit, but I just sat there nodding my head, waiting for this guy to get done, trying not to stare at this girls body. Finally this guy gets done, and bails, and I start walking with this girl; what are you doing this weekend?, just moved into a new house, got the kids starting tonight, oh, my kid cycle starts today too. . .

I'm going to put it out there. Do you want to meet me for a drink sometime?

Sure!

YES! Y**ES!!!* Fucking seriously guys, this girl isn't twenty three or whatever, but she's younger than me, fit enough, makes money, smart, and is cute as fuck. We are in very similar places in life, at least compared to bar chick. Got her number, and texted her that I'll be in touch and she responds. I'm going to California next Saturday, but have the Friday night before hand off, and I'm going to ask her to a hipster bohemian wandering event with coffee, beer, drum circles, vintage stores, and whatever. I can sleep on the plane. I haven't gone out with her yet, but just being bold enough to go for it feels so goddamn good*.

Also, I've got a OKC date with a yoga instructor / massage therapist tomorrow night! She's sober, but I need a break anyways.

What I did wrong:

  • Failed to try to escalate with flower pants.
  • Got in the face of a guy who wants / may be fucking my ex wife.
  • Allowed the loss of my ex wife to get me down.
  • Was caught flat footed / without words a few times at the bar.

What I did right:

  • Was bold and put it out there.
  • Gave zero fucks on the goddamn karaoke stage!
  • Gave zero fucks dancing with the blonde girl! Yes, I probably looked like Axl Rose having a meth seizure, but I had enthusiasm.
  • Immediately responded to a positive response from a girl and assumed interest. Escalated flirting.
  • Took some goddamn N-Actyl-Cysteine before drinking, so I could function today.
  • Tried to call ex wife's boss this morning to apologize for calling him out for not being willing to look me in the eye. (Sorry, Mike)

edit: New formatting / fixed it.