I won't detail my oneitis, because this horse shit is the same for everybody. The burn of it pushed me to go out solo tonight. I went to a venue that was a nice mix of cougars and 20-somethings. My goal was to just feel things out, because it was my first night out alone.

I wait an hour to enter, since there is a line. Work on my state while I wait. Finally get in. Many women that I would bang all over the venue. Warm up on some unattractive girls. Just be friendly, work on conversation flow. I'm just lovin it. Didn't get shut down or rejected once all night. My state was spot on: no outcome expectations, no clinging on to anybody. Just experiencing the moment, and loving the opportunity to practice.

Get opened on by multiple girls, all of whom I would bang. My major sticking point is revealed: conversation flow and building rapport. I'm thankful instead of discouraged. This is way fucking better than sitting at home thinking of the girl who will never fuck me.

Some girl starts pressing her body against me really hard. She is an 8.5/10, blonde, curvy.. Her boyfriend standing in line next to me. I'm fairly confused. Does he just put up with this? Poor bastard.

Continue on. More random kino. Another girl I would fuck rubs against me hard and makes aggressive eye contact. I don't flinch. "You are such a gentleman. You MUST have a girlfriend." I haven't had sex in 12 years, nor am I a gentleman. "Yeah baby, thanks for the compliment, you're beautiful." Double lookback with beaming smile. She would fuck me. Did I say the perfect thing? Who the fuck cares, she was into it.

So weird, the dark mental place I was in. I thought just because my "one" wouldn't fuck me, that I was completely sexually unattractive. Meanwhile, without even doing anything, I get multiple aggressive kino sessions from girls that I would bang all night. The fuck was I thinking?

I have some figuring out of things to do before I actually fuck or pull a girlfriend, but holy shit it isn't nearly as bad as I had imagined it to be. Oneitis is such toxic, soul-consuming, bull shit. You imagine her to be so much better than she is, and yourself to be so much worse than you are. I am sitting here, and feel completely over her. Thank god fuck.