A little background. I am someone who has always dealth with AA. To combat this I used to drink. A lot. This would lead to a lot of hook ups, but nothing really meaningful. A drink or two is nice to take the edge off but extremes are a dangerous thing. Now I have edged off drinking but face troubles approaching women that I want to talk to. Once in conversation and 'comfortable' I do just fine. It is simply the mental block that I run into from approaching that either causes me not to approach at all or struggle significantly once I approach.

Below is what I wrote during my 'epiphany'

 

While alcohol can help alleviate anxiety, stress, etc... it is just tricking your brain. Your skills, social abillity, all of it is fucking in you right now. You dont need anyones permission [to approach], and worse case they say NO and thats that. From my approaches today, I just went nuts. What I learned. It's not fucking you (here I am trying to drill home that sometimes I over analyze and rationalize this girl didnt like me b/c xyz. When in reality she has a bf, period, others things going on etc.) I got # closes as well as rejection. But with the rejections YOU JUST SHRUG THEM OFF Thats fucking it. No secret, no nothing, just practice.

Some will have their reasons to say no. But is out of your control.

So next time you doubt yourself, or think you did something wrong, push those thoughts aside.

I am [insert your name here], think of what you have accomplished, and how awesome you are.

I am [insert your name here], and I am an adult (here I am implying that you make your own damn decisions and you do things because you want to)

 

So now reflecting on what I have written I would like to add some things/comments

  1. Obviously sometimes it can be your fault. This is where dressing, well, working out, practicing comes into play. The point I wrote what I did was to emphasize that you should still approach and not let yourself bull shit your way out of not approaching.

  2. Approach, approach, approach. (DID YOU APPROACH YET). Guys/girls. Nothing comes out of not approaching. Did you hear me yet? Approach. I am trying to drill this home because nothing else matters if you dont approach. We have all been there where we go "Damn I wonder what would of happened if I approached... Do not put yourself there, Ive done it too many times and it fucking disgusts me. If there is one thing you get from this, it is that you need to approach.

  3. Next is that you need to ABC (Always be closing). I met a gorgeous girl and we were talking and all seemed well. What did I do next? I walked away... christ sometimes I really want to slap myself. Another instance. Great night out with a girl. Chemistry is all there. We get to my place and what do I do? I get out of the car and leave. I know and I mean I KNOW I could have closed. But anxiety and other factors push me elsewhere. the 2nd most important thing after always be closing is to always be closing. Always.

  4. It is really easy to get caught up in seduction as a whole. Apply Occams Razor and keep it simple. Just practice, practice, practice. All this stuff in this subreddit is great, but it can cloud your mind and make things much more confusing than they need to be. Just get out there. You can do it.

I hope this helped and would love to discuss further. If y'all have any other tips on AA I am all ears as it is still something I deal with especially when sober.