Fuck this community. This community is fucking with my head.

So much to read. So much telling me how I should act. Telling me how I act is wrong. Telling me to be loud. To be assertive. To control the flow of things. To be witty. To not be goofy. Be this. Be that. Don't be this. Hide that part of you. Become this. Fake it fake it fake it.

I was at a party last night. I was having fun. I started thinking about the lessons I read here. I started wondering, "am I the alpha in this situation". I think too much. I over analyze everything. I start to filter myself in fear of saying the wrong thing. I analyze my every action. I over analyze everyone elses action. "Is this an action the PUA community would approve of? "

I think a lot of guys come here looking for how to find love. But this advice is how to get your number up. How to build mass appeal. So we are tunneled into ideas of certain types of alphaness, dominance, certain traits that are popular.

But my favorite music isn't pop music. And if I made music I wouldn't write pop music. Mass appeal isn't for me. I'm different, I have odd view points, I can't interact with well-adjusted college people without restraining myself in some ways. I think I came here looking for ways to improve myself, ways to attract a partner. Some of the advice is great. And to be fair my numbers have increased since I got into this community, my posture is better, I do move act and speak with more confidence. A lot of this material is gold. But a lot I think hurts more than helps. A lot I think dulls what makes a unique person great, and turns them into some community agreed on popular sense of desirable. Turning modest mouse into one direction, turning Macklemore into Lil Wayne. Which is good, but not everyone can become that.

Maybe I can't get attention of popular HB9s, but maybe I can get attention of quirky odd cute girls. Maybe I can become the alpha of the goofy neurotics.

I think my lesson here is... to not give a fuck? Even about the community that taught me to not give a fuck in the first place? Some sort of meta realization.

So, thats my rant.