I want to be authentic

puaCurveBall · 2012-03-01T20:45:25+00:00

What happens now when you are authentic?

Where do I find guides for that?

Um you don't, that is exactly the point. How can someone else tell you how to act like yourself?

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-03-01T21:55:04+00:00

If it's making you feel bad you're doing it wrong (too dishonest?) or you need to have some epiphanies that help you learn you're not doing anything wrong and you shouldn't feel bad for looking out for #1. It just sounds like a really personal thing and I don't know that anyone will really be able to help here.

If you were a kissless virgin then you were probably taught that doing things for yourself makes you selfish and bad. It doesn't.

Sounds like you're in the middle of a transformation and the old you is putting up a fight. Kick that guy's ass.

frogma · 2012-03-01T23:28:40+00:00

Here's the question:

I want to be myself and funny and witty and goofy and thought provoking, just hit them with honesty and hopefully shock them into opening up to me. I want authenticity from both ways, and laughter. Sex isn't even the end goal, just fun conversation.

Were you doing all those things before discovering the community? Or what?

If you're uncomfortable with things like "pretending you're not interested," look at the basis for why that "technique" works in the first place. Think about what type of guy would naturally be doing that- it'd be a really high-value guy who has so many things going on in his life that not every girl he interacts with is gonna wow him. So if you don't want to "fake" something like that, you gotta start living the kind of life where it's no longer fake. How do you start living that kind of life? I'd say either figure out what you want out of life and start going after it, and/or fake it till you make it.

blahdude1 · 2012-03-01T23:07:01+00:00

My 2 cents: I think you are differentiating between 1) the ability to get someone attracted to you, and 2) the ability to meet/find people you actually want to spend time with. These are different games with some overlap.

From what I've seen, a lot of the "game" here on seddit is about finding a way to attract beautiful women. But even if you learn to do that, there is a good chance you actually don't want to spend time with those women. Fact is, finding someone who is on the same wavelength as you in life is difficult. People have different backgrounds, personalities, interests, etc. That's why most people have a small number of best friends right? So if your goal is to find real authentic connections, just realize you are playing a different game. Just be yourself, joke, laugh, be thought provoking, and see who you get along with. Of course, the more general seddit still stuff applies: stuff like avoiding AA, conversation threading, outcome independence, etc.

smoothoperator23 · 2012-03-02T03:36:19+00:00

EXACTLY. you nailed the reason I follow seddit. Its not to get sex, its not to be able to 'control' people per say; its to help me understand myself and others better, and to develop a natural confidence in myself that will flow into an ability to connect with people on a deeper level than most people are able to.

LIONisVIKING · 2012-03-02T07:07:48+00:00

I posted a question for discussion along these lines last week and got some really great responses from the community. I promise I'm not trying to karma whore, its just oddly relevant.

Essentially the tl;dr is that, bottomline what it takes to be attractive is confidence coupled with emotional security.

So if what you are doing to be "you" is coming from a place of insecurity (like being a goofball to cover up social anxiety or something) then you're not really being authentic, right? But say you really, truly enjoy terrible puns then own that fact.

I've recently made a move to be way more authentic and honest and cut all the games and bullshit out. I can still joke, but I joke on my terms and not to achieve an arbitrary attraction benchmark. What I do is starting to come from a solid baseline of personal security and knowing what it is I want.

I want to post an [FR] next week, but so far I've been asked out more often then I do the asking since I started. My friend who's doing it with me calls "I'm gonna do me, and you can do you."

2012-03-02T01:26:16+00:00

You could use: "Hi! I think you look really cute, and I wanted to find out if your personality is as attractive as your looks." Or something to that effect, then segueing into questions about her and what she does, essentially evaluating her.

misstricky · 2012-03-02T13:17:26+00:00

A witty and honest guy would be extremely refreshing and attractive. This is exactly the same way I've been feeling the past couple months... I just want to be my interesting, intelligent, but happy/sweet/silly self. Its super difficult but if you apply the same confidence you had when you were pretending to not care, you can actually make real connections (ok, I've managed to pull this off only once since I started dating, but I can tell you it completely worked).

The right person will recognize it, and "the real you", and return it right back. Genuine people can sense other genuine people.

Gluetius_Maximus · 2012-03-02T18:14:06+00:00

If you want to be authentic, then stop using these stupid PUA techniques.

InfallibleBiship · 2012-03-02T22:57:37+00:00

Authenticity is very important. Think about it this way... what you really want to develop from studying things like r/seduction is a strong sense of self. If you're not authentic, then it's probably because this sense of self is underdeveloped. Remember that personal development is the primary goal rather than notches in your bedposts, although these will follow as you grow.

thi3n · 2012-03-03T00:20:40+00:00

Most people come to the community because the "authentic" them before was not getting it done.

The problem is that you see a PUA to be dishonest and deceptive when in reality being a PUA is about changing the type of person you are (from within) to be more attractive to the opposite sex. If you're putting on a front or feeling fake... you're doin it wrong.

Title	I want to be authentic
Author	READMEdotTXT
Upvotes	22
Comments	28
Date	March 1, 2012 8:30 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qddyk/i_want_to_be_authentic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-want-to-be-authentic.1329172 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329172

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