Recently, I found this sub since I wasn’t interacting with the amount of women that I wanted in my life. Specifically, I was and still am trying to get over a woman that I developed oneitis for. We work together and my interest in her grew over time as I got to know her. At one point, I really attracted her and so was I too her. She was giving me a lot of eye contact and touched me more frequently after I broke the touch barrier. However, for the most part, she gave me a lot of mixed signals and with time passing, I feel that she is less attracted to me. Sometimes she would not be responsive to my escalations and is also generally quite flaky in her words and actions. Although I have strong feelings for her, this last aspect of her personality really turns me off.

Anyway, my feelings for her have started to negatively affect my psyche and mental health so I decided to stop caring about her in a romanticized way. Of course, easier said than done especially since I have to see her every week. On one hand, I want her to get out of my life but on the other, I’m scared of losing her because we do have a good relationship based on playfulness, teasing and occasional flirting. I try not to flirt too strong since we are at work but I still try to keep some tension between us by flirting and touching. (For example, if she’s early to work, I say something like “you just can’t wait to see me huh”? To which she laughs and says that’s exactly why she’s here with a big smile)

Now, here is where my feelings for her get really fucked up. I found out she has a boyfriend. She has never mentioned a boyfriend or any interest in any other man to me so this was a shock. I found out from a mutual friend. I’m ranting at this point because this whole situation is fucking me up. Ive lost some appetite, losing sleep, etc. I am committed now more than ever to moving on.

I just wanted to share my story of personal growth and the growing pains associated with changing my whole perspective of life. I understand that I was too outcome dependent and placed my sense of value on her perceived value of myself. I have reflected and completely understand that my approach to her in relation to myself is unhealthy. I still struggle with thinking about her admittedly. This shit is not easy to overcome but each day, I feel stronger and truly believe that I am becoming a better and more confident man no matter how difficult the struggles are. Self development is not a trigger that you can pull. At least, not for me. It is a long and challenging process that contradicts what you have believed for such a long time.

Thank you for reading this! This sub is helping with changing my life. Not just with women but also with life in general. I now have the balls and courage to take my life into my own hands and try to craft a fulfilling life.