Honestly I don't know what's wrong with me. There are so many people I want to introduce myself to but I never do. One particular example is there's this girl in one of my classes who sits in front of me. We have assigned seats so I can't just go and sit next to her. I have tried multiple times to talk to her, but she leaves class really quickly... And I don't think she's ever looked at me before either.

...This is my problem. I make all these excuses and I never actually introduce myself to girls. No matter how dedicated I feel or motivated I am to actually grow some balls and just talk, at the last second I stop. My legs just take me in a different direction or I feel like I'm about to throw up. I start sweating and even if my brain tells me to do something, my body doesn't listen. And the fact that I'm constantly subconsciously making excuses doesn't help either.

I know using substances to help me get over this is not wise and I hate myself for even trying these, but I have tried caffeine, xanax, alcohol, kratom, adderall, and marijuana and while some of them help deaden some of the excuses my brain makes, none of them actually get me over the hump.

I spend a lot of time reading up on seduction and social interactions in general and the most repeated piece of advice I've come across is that I just have to go out there and practice. But I almost feel like an alien in my body, screaming at it to do something that it refuses to do.

...I am not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe I'm just running away again by directly looking for advice. I mean what is more advice gonna do for me if I can't incorporate everything I've already read, you know? But... I dunno. If there's anything you wonderful people can help me out with I would really appreciate it.