Help Needed | seduction

throwawayaltmaybe · 2022-01-25T16:19:22+00:00

I'm 26 and have had a 100% rejection rate with every attractive woman I've talked to, whether in person or from dating apps. I've had...

I'm 26 and have had a 100% rejection rate with every attractive woman I've talked to, whether in person or from dating apps. I've had occasional hookups off dating apps over the past few years, but I had to significantly lower my standards with the majority of them. I mainly have my physical appearance down after working out for nearly 10 years. I've read books like The Game and Models and watched RSD and Todd's videos on game over the past few years and even wasted $3k on a 3 day bootcamp in early 2020. Still, after the first date with an attractive woman (only once was there a second), I always get ghosted. The thing is, I don't feel like I'm improving fast enough or able to analyze what went wrong in most cases.

I've been told a couple times by women I come across a lot differently in person than I do with text. Even though I feel comfortable and totally fine when in person, I've had women tell me I didn't seem comfortable in person or that I should loosen up or relax. Not sure what to do about that.

I had suspected ASD and saw a psychologist last year, and he was confused because one test said slightly yes to having ASD and the test he had me give a friend to assess me said slightly no, so he gave me the diagnosis anyways. I had even tried taking shrooms by myself in late 2020 after reading up on its benefits and hoping to change for the better (about 2 - 3g worth 3 or 4 times), but they just made me anxious and gave me scary ass visuals. No profound experience or improvements whatsoever.

Anyways, I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me on what I can even do at this point. This is negatively impacting my mental health more and more as time goes on and I don't want things to continue this path. My time is limited with full-time work, full-time grad school, and job hunting, but I need to fix this area of my life. Also, if a woman I'm on a date with asks if I've ever been in a relationship or had a girlfriend and I say no, what are some things I could say when she asks why not?

[–]thelambofdeth -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]1hatethis 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Really hard to say without actually meeting you and talking to you in person

What’s your sample size? Have many women have you been rejected by?

What’s your social life dating aside look like?

What do your other social interactions look like? Do people look at you or treat you any different than most folks?

If you have been consistently working out for the past 10 years and have the physique to match then there must be something you’re doing very very wrong.

About the question you’re asking about I doubt this will ever come up. I don’t think anyone ever asked me if I’ve had a relationship before until after we’d slept together. In which case I guess I replied (because at 30 I’ve also hadn’t had a proper relationship in the past ever) something along the lines of “I chose not to” which is actually pretty close to the truth

[–]throwawayaltmaybe[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

On the number of attractive women that have ghosted/rejected me after the first date from dating apps, probably around 8 in the past couple years. I rarely match with attractive women and have usually had to settle for hookups with unattractive women. I've done cold approaches in the past, but those never worked and it's been a year since I've done one. I hated doing those.

Not much of a social life to be honest, especially with grad school. I do weekly social bowling with a team and have one good friend in my city since moving here nearly 4 years ago. I've tried using the Meetup app to make more friends, but it hasn't worked that well for me. I plan to begin weekly improv lessons in a couple weeks though.

I think my interactions are fine and that people don't treat me any differently than most people. People seem to be pretty chill with me in social settings.

The reason for my question at the end is because I was asked that question by a very attractive woman recently who ghosted me. I was on a first date with her at her place and I answered no when she asked me if I'd ever been in a long-term relationship. She asked me why not and I said something about having trouble finding mutual interest. I don't really know how to handle that sort of question since a guy my age is expected to have had a girlfriend before and I can't just say it's because all the attractive women reject me, or that would lower my value.

[–]1hatethis 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

That’s a very small sample but I am not going to pretend I don’t understand your frustration. It’s still a 100% failure ratio

Online dating is not it. Not worth the bother. I’d personally get a few good matches a year or two back but now especially it’s a shitshow. Unless you’re willing to really really lower your standards it’s just not going to happen

You need to work on your social life. If not for the girls do it for your mental well being. I made friends with friends of friends. Hang out with people you may not even like or enjoy their company that much. You may click with their friends or people in their social circle

Whatever you may or not have experienced so far in your life is rarely ever going to be a catalyst in getting laid or not. Thing is you have to own it though. If in your mind it’s a big deal to not have a relationship before this will show and it’s not going to be attractive

You can always ask the girls that ghosted you or didn’t meet you again for feedback but women are never ever going to be 100% honest with you and even then they may not be right

I am assuming your hygiene and grooming is on point so I’m going to skip past that

My best bet honestly is you come off as needy which you probably are at this point. Do you tease them any? Are you maybe very agreeable? Do you maybe not take the lead, escalate and so on?

[–]throwawayaltmaybe[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Yup, and by 100% failure rate, I mean to include the ghosting I've had with plenty of attractive women I matched with on dating apps who never met up with me as well as the rejections I had from cold approaches. But writing out that number of "8" puts into perspective that I haven't had many IRL dates with hot women. It's just worrying to me that none of them wanted to see me again after meeting. They were interested when we texted, but then lost interest after meeting me in person. This tells me there are deep, fundamental flaws with my game or behavior that I need to somehow fix.

Making friends was never easy for me - including when I attended Meetup events at bars before grad school started. In undergrad, I didn't have many friends and kind of got depressed about it sometimes. After that, I quit caring about it and live on my own and am not in that kind of environment anymore. Ironically, no matter how many times it happens, the pain of rejection via ghosting never seems to get any easier to endure - especially if I've met with the girl in person.

You are correct on my hygiene and grooming being on point. I think I do tease on occasion when I can come up with something. Sometimes my creativity when thinking of what to say whether in person or via text suffers, which is part of the reason why I'm going to take improv lessons soon. I think I do take the lead, like I'll ask the girl her thoughts on meeting up for drinks and then get her phone # to set up logistics. I also don't have any issues escalating when I have a girl come over to my place.

[–]1hatethis 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Is it possible, since all 8 dates that ghosted you after the first time you met them, that they might have felt that you misrepresented yourself in your pictures?

Like older pictures, or very specific angles hiding imperfections and so on?

It's the last thing I can think about that may not be about how you carry yourself.

Again the good thing is that the sample is very small. The problem is it's a blow to your confidence and that's only making matters worse.

I'd start by approaching girls and making friends with them. At least approach them with that mindset. No compliments or anything of the type, just going for the friendship.

I see two outcomes:

a) It will help you with coming off as needy and may lead to actual dates and so on

b) You will make friends that will help with elevating your social life a bit, might get some good feedback out of it and finally you might bang their friends

The way I'd go about it is go to a cafe where people go with their laptops for whatever reason, do the same, and see if you can start a conversation with anyone. If you turn into a regular you might meet the staff too; another upside

[–]throwawayaltmaybe[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think that's the issue. My pictures could use updating, but I don't have significant physical imperfections/deformities, my face isn't much different from the pictures, and I'm still in great shape.

The sample is small only when counting the hot women I actually met with, but when factoring in the ones who ghosted me before meeting or cold approach rejections, it's a lot larger and still a 100% rejection rate.

On your point with approaching girls and making friends with them, my thinking is something about me needs to significantly change before I can see success, both socially and with dating. At least, that was the hope when I took the bootcamp and later the shrooms. I say this because I don't want to do the same things over and over again and expect different results, like running on a hamster wheel. The difficult question here is what I can do to change my thinking pattern or behavior to the point where the "old me" is gone, if that makes sense. Taking a higher dose of shrooms for an ego death with a tripsitter (if I find one) after long-term, consistent meditation has crossed my mind before to see if that helps.

Title	Help Needed
Author	throwawayaltmaybe
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	January 25, 2022 4:19 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/schevt/help_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-needed.1268305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1268305

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