Hello ladies and gentlemen :)

tbh I never thought that I'd write a reddit post about this one day. Here I am.

I am 23 year old, and I am also a virgin. I never had a real girlfriend. I just want to experience sex but the fear of being exposed as a virgin is big and I also feel weird about intimacy, with feelings in general. I had the chance to lose my virginity a few times but I always choked somehow, which made me feel bad about myself, which in turn worsened my anxiety. Anxiety is an underlying motive which carried throughout my life. It's like I can't completely let myself go.

My friends all think that I am not a virgin anymore. I straight up lied to them to keep my face, coz based on my upbringing, to have sex is something prideful. I always kind of push it away or don't really talk about my own sexual experiences, when the theme comes up. I'm good looking, though I'm very picky. I am not hopeless, I have no probems with making conversation when it comes to women, but I have a hard time when it gets to flirting, or the real thing. It almost makes me uncomfortable at times, don't know how to act. I also don't pick up cues that well.

Often when I meet women I don't feel like there is sexual interest from them in me. And when they do I kind of choke, I don't know how to get out of this cycle. Also I feel like I need the emotional connection too, in order to fuck. But of course if something spontaneous happens I'm not saying no.

Sometimes I feel bad, like a loser, about not having sex, when I have a bad phase. It's just something that I really want to experience, as it is normal of course. My life is going good besides that.

I have also realised that keeping away from online triggers like porn is really important to get that natural desire for sex. I'm considering going to a prostitute to just get that tension off of me. It's draging my whole mood down a level I feel.

Do you guys have any advice, experiences you'd like to share, that might help me see it from another perspective?

Thanks and all the best