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[–][deleted] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:
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[–]amphibious_moose 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Walk away. I’ve done this dance too many times. It never ends well.
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
To be honest - I did walk away many times because of this. She is hot for a few weeks, then disappears. Like she has mood and personality shifts. I then keep asking myself if I had done anything wrong, and start questioning myself.
From her response - “we should definitely catch up! It is scary times but we shouldn’t let it interfere with us having fun”, etc gave me the vibe that she was game. And from my initial message - she initiated by asking me how I was doing and where I was, etc - so she definitely took the initiative.
I am wondering if I did not hit the iron while it was hot. Out last convo was on Monday. Am wondering if I should’ve just said - yeah, let’s catch up. Free later?
Did I wait too long? I am 31 and she is 27 so neither of us are children. As reference - I wrote to her yesterday and asked if she wants to meet for food and maybe drinks over the weekend. Gone cold/disappeared. No response.
[–]amphibious_moose 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I’m 44M, and have been in a “situationship” with a 26F for the last 2 years. It’s been hot/cold the entire time. I let myself get in too deep and I’m paying the price now. Trying to extricate myself from the whole thing is extremely painful. I keep second guessing myself and sliding back into the push-pull dynamic. I love this girl with all of my heart, but her ambivalence is torturing me.
My advice to you is to just forget about her. There are plenty of women out there who will not play these games with you. Spend your time and energy on them.
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, brother! “I keep second guessing myself” is what we have in common in this case. And it is eating me alive. Like - did I mess up the timing, did I respond in a bad way, etc? She just takes a sharp 90 degree turn.
[–]amphibious_moose 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Trust me, bro. It’s not you, it’s her. People who want to spend time with you will make an effort to do so. She’s “breadcrumbing” you. Keeping you on the hook as a backup plan. You deserve better. We all do.
[–]amphibious_moose 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also, look up “avoidant attachment style”. I’ll bet you that this girl checks most of the boxes. Chasing an avoidant almost always ends in heartbreak.
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Appreciate it! And holy cow, so true! She does check almost all!!!!
https://149405263.v2.pressablecdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/10-signs-dismissive-avoidant-attachment-300x300.jpg
[–]amphibious_moose 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That doesn’t surprise me at all. I have more experience with this than I would like.
[–]BensonInFL 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, and yes... When a girl says that she is free to hang out later, I pull out my calendar right there and say, 'hey I'm busy Wednesday and Thursday, but free Friday and Sunday, which day works best for you? '
Most likely she will commit to some date, but if she says "I'll get back to you", then I double down and say 'oh its no pressure if you're not ready to meet yet', at which point they most likely will tell you some story of why they are flaky like 'well I've got an english paper due that day and I'm not sure it will be finished'.. etc.. which is good because then you can just say 'ok' and follow-up later and rinse-repeat... if she tells you something vague, then she's not ready to meet or discuss and you go back to establishing more value before asking again...
-B
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Appreciate your advice - but her last text to me was Monday evening, saying “we should definitely catch up. It is scary times but we shouldn’t let Covid stop us from living life.”
I asked her out yesterday (Friday) asking her if she is still vegan and that we should meet up for food and maybe drinks this weekend. If her message was on a weekend, then yeah. Either way - maybe I should’ve done what you said. Schedule a time immediately after her text and do your strategy. Oh well. Based on her history and other variables, I don’t think thinking this granular would’ve changed the outcome.
If she has interest, even if you are slightly outside of the window - we should be fine. I am not a teenager and neither is she, so I am not fond of playing these games.
Either way - thanks for your comment.
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
She’s stringing you along. You’re a safe bet for her. She has seen you chasing her forever. Geez, 7 years ! Please please move on already. Find other options than going back to girls from last decade
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Appreciate your comment, but I do date, lol. I am currently single hence reaching out. I did keep it neutral and she kept initiating so I went with the flow. But you are right. Maybe I should just forget about this chick completely.
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yea even if she seemed super enthusiastic, you only get the true answer after you asked her out. Hot and cold here is not covid, it’s simply low interest. You tried, she didn’t reciprocate, it’s all good. As long as you don’t keep pursuing and yea forget about her
[–]Doctor0z 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Thanks! So absolutely no pursuing on my end anymore, right? Pride is going downhill if she doesn’t at least respond or do I text her a few weeks from now, etc with a Christmas wish, etc? Or no contact at all. Genuinely curious as I have some sort of autism and can’t read situations well.
But super thanks for responding.
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yea no pursuing anymore. I can guarantee you nothing good comes out from asking again after a first denial. She might even be the same cool enthusiastic girl if you reach out again to her for Christmas, because it’s her nature and your relation, but mostly because that attention feels good to her so she entertains it. Then you will ask again and it’ll suck even more. I would even suggest you to delete her number and your texts because it’s too tempting to fall again for it. If she’s interested, she’ll reach out.
And it’s all good man, I’ve been there before. You’ll see through it more clearly after a few times.
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thank you so very much! You have no idea how thankful I am for taking the time and responding to me. Copy all loud and clear. No more texting on my end.
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
you’re welcome mate, that’s what this sub is for ✌🏼
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She did respond yesterday saying that she is sorry for late response as her weekend has been packed busy, but asking my availability for this week. She seemed sorry and forth coming. Do I cancel this week saying that I am busy and plan for another, or just go for it?
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
hey sorry for late answer, personally I never buy the packed busy excuse. presidents and CEOs have time to answer texts, nobody literally doesn’t have a minute. it’s games and mild interest. I would not sabotage it though, since she is asking for availability I would propose her later this week just one evening and if she can’t then next week. good luck !
[–]BensonInFL2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
What are yall’s strategies when it comes to women being hot and cold?
One of the many reasons to have multiple girls in your life. When they are cold, you ignore them, wait, and they come back around. In the meantime, you are having fun with others...
I've been doing this for years and three stable girls plus MANY orbiters is the optimum number for me.. I've tried 4 or 5 girls and I couldn't keep up with everyone... I couldn't have a life outside of constantly rotating through seeing them all... with two, sometimes they are both busy...
One of the keys is efficiency... I send the same memes, the same updates, a lot of the same stuff copy and pasted to everyone... it's also fun to see how everyone responds differently :)
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[–]amphibious_moose 3 points4 points5 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]amphibious_moose 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]amphibious_moose 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]amphibious_moose 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BensonInFL [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Doctor0z 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sirusbn 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BensonInFL2 points [recovered] | Copy Link