If you haven't already read "The Alabaster Girl", I can't recommend it highly enough. I wanted to write a bit about one of the main concepts covered in the book.

Too often I see guys disappointed because they "failed" after an approach, night out, "sarge", daygame, etc. There are plenty of "failed" FR's in this sub telling stories of lost numbers, nights going home alone, dates flaked, etc.

They all have the same problem: men are measuring their failure or success by the uncontrollable responses of women rather than their own actions. Men consider an approach a success if they get the oh-so-sought-after number, and a failure if they are turned down. Men consider a date a failure if they show up and the girl doesn't. Men consider a night out a failure if they approach women but don't bring one home.

This is silly.

As men, it's nearly always our job to initiate and escalate. This goes from the simple approach all the way through sexual escalation. Sometimes things go the way we want, sometimes they don't. There are certainly ways to improve, but I have a suggestion for measuring that improvement.

We should measure success by how we show up as men, not by the responses of others.

After all, there is no sense in taking personally that which we cannot control. There are billions of women in this world, and it is foolish to believe that you can garner the attraction and interest of all of them. Women will "reject" men for countless reasons that have nothing to do with the man. She might simply not be interested, which is fine. She might have a boyfriend, which is fine. She might legitimately be too busy, which is fine. She might just be a bitch or in a terrible mood, and that's fine too.

If you show up as a man and express your intent boldly and honestly, her response doesn't matter. Whether she's into you or not, you've done your job. That should be your measure of success. How and when you show up as a man is everything that you can control and improve, and this should be your scale.

When you adopt this mindset, you focus your attention on only what you can change and control. This way, a night out is measured by your actions. Truly adopting this mindset also reduces the outcome dependence that so many of us struggle with.

Stop worrying about winning over every woman that you talk to, and start focusing on showing up as a man regardless of the responses of others.