Being dominant is not the same as being an asshole

SecondThreat · 2015-04-12T17:54:22+00:00

This is something I have struggled with, and still continue to do so. When I first started this I went into the completely other side of the spectrum. I became very aggressive and threatening to everyone. Although it felt good and I was respected, I don't think I had much of an influence. Thanks for posting this, because I think that its a common issue that should be discussed more than it is. It really is a hard balance to achieve.

Terakahn · 2015-04-12T19:22:02+00:00

I find that depending how you frame it, you can say things that you'd think make you into an asshole, but it's passable because of the way you execute it.

Guffbrain · 2015-04-12T19:57:32+00:00

Being an asshole just to be "alpha" is the same as being the "nice guy"; you're still just putting up a fake front to get what you want rather than being direct.

Words to live by. Nice one.

bjlmag · 2015-04-12T19:20:59+00:00

Asshole= dominance-empathy

TheBadBoyManBoy · 2015-04-12T21:15:23+00:00

Great advice. Be confident and be honest. True game is being comfortable with who you are not caring about how people will perceive you.

hamfraigaar · 2015-04-13T09:24:23+00:00

Dominance, per definition, means "to have power and influence over others".

So that's what it means to be dominant; to exercise power and influence over others.

Think about that. Are you exercising power and influence over others? If not, then no, you're not dominant in any given situation. Saying you should be dominant is a shallow and vague statement. How about switching "dominant" out with "charismatic"?

Besides, not everyone who is good at PU is necessarily dominant. The two are definitely not mutually exclusive, and exercising dominance when it's not a part of you gives you no benefit so big it's actually worth it, compared to practicing social intelligence and quick wit.

CaliBboy · 2015-04-12T21:18:39+00:00

They’re putting lipstick on a pig, trying to convince you that you’re either the leader of the pack, or you’re a beta who won’t get what you deserve in this life, and they pretty it up with all kinds of nice-sounding terminology and definitions, but at its core the idea of being an alpha male is bogus.

The entire concept is built around dominance over others. Again, they can put lipstick on the pig and call it something else, but people have a tendency to simplify things, and if you’re thinking you have to “be more alpha,” then you’re doing it wrong because your personality becomes warped with the concept that you’re supposed to be running the show, and everyone else on Earth is here to be servile to your awesomeness, men and women both.

Life doesn’t work that way. It’s far more complex than just “me alpha, you beta.”

http://www.bodyforwife.com/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male/

LumberjackWeezy · 2015-04-12T20:19:29+00:00

How about being an Omega?

MetalPUA · 2015-04-13T01:44:15+00:00

I'd say that a key component of being dominant is this: you set firm boundaries and you expect people to abide by them. If people disrespect your boundaries, you make it clear that you won't tolerate it. If they keep doing it, you stop associating with them.

For example: you ask a girl out on a date. She agrees, but asks if it's okay if she brings a friend. You simply but firmly say "No."

If you're on a date with a girl and she says something you find offensive, you tell her that you didn't appreciate what she just said.

If she starts shit-testing you, you make it clear that you don't play games. If she keeps doing it, you get up and walk out of the date.

Setting firm boundaries and showing that you're willing to enforce them is a good thing because not only is it a dominant trait that makes you attractive, but it also helps you weed out shitty, manipulative women who play games.

Don't just respect other people's boundaries, respect your own as well.

centeunofap · 2015-04-12T21:40:00+00:00

Needed this post right now! Thanks OP! I think it boils down to setting boundaries! Be nice to people as long as they respect your boundaries! But in order to have them respect your boundaries, you got to set them!

skahler · 2015-04-13T03:30:32+00:00

Hey, great post. I wanted to address something though: this "nice guy" thing as far as "faking his intentions" is a common rumor, but truth be told that most "nice guys" are actually genuine, but they're just "nice" and not as straightforward so therefore women don't like them. This is one of those common misconceptions that I don't know how it's strayed this far, this weird conception that "nice" = "fake". That's actually their real personality, they're just not as confident and therefore less attractive.

That being said, I agree with a lot of this post. I found the Red Pill about 4 years ago and this whole "being an asshole" thing only worked to offset the kinds of personalities lots of ladies foster these days. Some girls are attracted to assholes simply because their own personalities are so wretched that it tends to counterbalance somewhat.

That being said, I'm not attracted to those types of girls, and more or less agree with the majority of this post, in general. Glad this post was upvoted as much as it was.

420Hookup · 2015-04-12T18:31:16+00:00

While the sentiment is great, this post is not that helpful. The line between dominant and asshole is very thin in many places. The hard part is knowing where that is in various situations.

JefemanG · 2015-04-12T20:05:43+00:00

Find the perfect balance of nice guy and "jerk", you'll be golden. Be that nice guy she can turn to, but don't be that nice guy who puts her on a pedestal and is a little bitch around her. Girls gravitate towards guys who are dicks because they all have the traits girls love most (confidence, leadership, high self-esteem, etc.), but they always kind of hate them for being dicks all the time. Keep those traits and be a good guy and a girl will never leave.

overk4ll · 2015-04-13T13:34:06+00:00

I don't think every man's personality fits with being dominant. Assertive, yes. Dominant, no.

diabillic · 2015-04-13T03:22:06+00:00

Very true.

Be kind to people, but don't put up with nonsense. I think that's a pretty simple concept.

Also, girls aren't dumb and they will figure out if you're putting on a fake face soon enough.

Idle_Redditing · 2015-04-13T06:09:50+00:00

People love giving you what you want if you can make them feel great about themselves.

How is it that people like it when someone just asks them for stuff?

I've never liked it when people just asked me for something and thought that their smile or their presence was enough of payment. I prefer to be paid back with something with equal or greater value to what they want from me instead of receiving nothing. That doesn't have to be something material btw.

edit. No one likes getting screwed over.

jonnyscotch · 2015-04-13T06:18:24+00:00

Is there any good reading material along the lines of this that you or anyone else has heard of? I know Models touches on this a bit, but is there anything else that might help?

cmatute · 2015-04-13T10:27:54+00:00

Great post, brother. Good stuff.

XenoChristZen · 2015-04-12T20:22:52+00:00

Thank you for making an articulate post about this, /r/seduction really needed to hear this. My [FR]/personal experience has been to be challenging but not condescending woman like to be challenged not talked down to, I personally have a very unique rocker look (sleeve, piercings, mohawk,) etc I let my look portray my bad side and use my personality as a contrast I generally am a jerk but let some empathetic qualities come out in tiny windows which drives women to really become intrigued. But the thing that drives em crazy is my obvious lack of interest, I always seem like I have something to do, even if I don't, this makes our time together more "intimate" which makes the escalation ladder so much easier.

AlphaSpaceCat · 2015-04-12T23:21:27+00:00

Some one help me out here by defining "bad boy". Ive always thought of myself as a bad boy, leather jackets, cigarettes, muscle cars and a fuck off attitude, but OP here makes it sound like another term for being an asshole. Is there a difference?

bjlmag · 2015-04-13T05:05:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Being dominant is not the same as being an asshole
Author	bjlmag
Upvotes	317
Comments	69
Date	April 12, 2015 4:05 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/32cbq1/being_dominant_is_not_the_same_as_being_an_asshole/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-dominant-is-not-the-same-as-being-an-asshole.1386624 https://theredarchive.com/post/1386624

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