I am pretty new here on reddit and on this section. I want to share my story and feelings because I really want to go to a 2.0 version of myself but there are obstacles and I hope to dfnd help, tips and maybe even motivation here. And just use this as a way to solve myself.

I have been single for about 5 years now and I am in my very late twenties as age.

I have not met many girls during these 5 years. I do not really meet a lot of new people and this includes girls. During these last 5 years I met 2 girls I think I kinda fell in love with. With the first girl we met and it all started very nice with fun texting and even a (in my experience) nice date. But soon after this date she would began to create a distance (less responsive messaging) and this gave me a really hard time. Trying to get her attention and thinking about her very much describes that period. I want to add that about 2 years after this we dated again and this was very nice but again it went wrong.

The second girl I met was about 2 years ago. We had a nice conversation in real life and after this we started texting and started texting a lot. I tried but I could not get her on a date and we texted for a month or two until she begain the reply more slowly and less. I could nog understand what exactly went wrong and she was in my mind a lot. Many months would go by with me thinking about this girl, thinkin how to fix it and thinking what went wrong. I still messaged her and tried to have nice talks online but I did not fix it.

I think these two sitiuations describe how invested I am when I like a girl/catch feelings. It really affects my mind and my mood. Because I can feel that it makes it hard for me to be happy when I feel that way, I just feel sad a lot.

About my life; I work in a small company and there are no girls to hit on and I work out but there are no girls there either. I go out like once or twice a month and in the weekends I hang out with friends. I would say So not meeting any girls. The times I go out I also do not meet girls, I just hang out with my friend and I do not approach girls. I have approach anxiety, I have had this as far back as I can remember. On very rare ocasions (maybe a couple of times) over the years I approach a girl, so most night that I go out I do not approach.

In those last 5 years; what else happened during that time. I met a few girls through different paths. I had dates with a few girls, just first dates after that I quickly noticed they would be less responsive while messaging and the contact would die. In a particulair date I had a pretty good feeling about it, we laughed, had fun and kissed. But no second date and quickly dieing textings after this first date.

I did have sex with a few girls, but way less then I wanted. In 2019 I was on a dry spell (no sex) as they call it the entire year. As I remember I also had no dates and not really met any girls.

When I go out of the door for example to the supermarket I always have the idea in my head I might meet a girl. This never happens. As far as I notice it I almost never have eye contact. And ofcourse I sometimes see a cute girl in the supermarket but never approached a girl there. I have also read a lot about approaching girls during daytime but as you can guess by now, I have never did this.

I also want to note I have used dating apps, but not very succesfull. Lot of conversations ending quickly. I did got a few dates out of it during the years, but not much. Gotta say I did not used a dating app in 2019.

The lack of flirting with girls and just the female attention is paying its toll on me. I feel insecure and it really affects my mood. A lot of times I feel a bit sad and also in social places. As an example I went at the beginning of the year to a concert and altough the day was alll about the concert, I felt a bit sad during this day and it had to to with the lack of girls in my life and that being another dat without flirting. Realizing how it effects a day like that an affects me as a person sucks. I hate this because I want to be very positive and I try to be very positive. I think people who know me would call be positive but it is sometimes hard to stay positive because of the sad feelings that overwhelm me.

So lets go to the situation in 2020. I really wanted 2020 to become a great year because 2019 was just okay and not really that great. I did not make the personal progress I wanted and in 2020 I really wanted to become version 2.0 of myself.

At the beginning of the year I installed tinder again (might look at other dating apps too). I had some matches and including 2 girls I started talking with for a but. This was during the time i went for a 3 week holiday. This holiday marked a great start of the year, I enjoyed it so much and it has a lot of nice memories I try to hold on too during these corona times. I was in a good vibe and I even approached a few girls. And my dry spell ended and I had sex with 2 girls during this holiday. I am still amazed at this because girl 2 number was for me what I would describe as almost perfect.

Back home after the holiday I was in a great vibe ofcourse and I asked both girls I was talking too from tinder out on a date. They said yes. But very soon when I asked to girl number 1 a few days before the date about it she stopped responding. A tried it a couple of times but she has never responded again and this hurted me because I had no idea what happened. Girl number 2 cancelled the date a day before and said she did not really felt a connection. And this hurt again. The effect this has on me is pretty big; it makes me feel sad and I find it hard to concentrate so other goals I have are being made harder to persuade on days I feel sad. To add another detail of this week. I still had contact with one of the girls I had sex with on vacation. But now it looks like she is not responding anymore(She lives far from me so there was not really a chance of meeting anymore altough I wanted that), I wonder what will happen if I double tekst. This highly effects how I feel right now.

So now I am back home in the normal life (wel not normal because of the corona virus, but after the virus it will be normal again). The normal life seemes to be a life without girls and this finally needs to change.

The 3 main problems I seem to have:

-Confidence problems

-Needy

-approach anxiety

And maybe as a number 4 problems with messaging. Because as you can ready in the story above it went wrong while messaging girls too.

I dont know where to start and how to improve it all. I want to be my version 2.0 and feel and spread happyness. and get rid of the haunting sad feeling.

Thanks for reading. I hope everything was clear and I did not make it too long. But I started typing and this all came in to my head.