How do I develop that assertive, man-woman vibe?

mynameiswut · 2017-04-20T19:32:42+00:00

Hoping there's someone similar out there - I'm 29. By this time, I've mostly accepted who I am, and I'm a...

Hoping there's someone similar out there -

I'm 29. By this time, I've mostly accepted who I am, and I'm a "nice" guy. I don't like stepping on people's shoes, don't like making people feel bad, don't like disagreement. I'm pretty easy going and pretty forgiving, it takes a bit to get me riled. While I'm not naturally assertive, I am confident. I've excelled at work, taken on leadership roles - president of a fraternity, president of student body groups, etc - I'm the sort of leader who is calm and composed.

With respect to girls, my problem, I think, is difficulty showing intent, difficulty getting that man-woman vibe going. In terms of masculine/feminine energy, I lean more towards feminine, and sometimes I find my interactions missing dynamism. The other night in tango class, my partner mentioned that I needed to be a little more assertive and lead harder. (but I didn't want to step on her toes)

In short, I think I'm missing that masculine, killer instinct. My energy is too placated. I'm shy, maybe afraid to go for it. I'll see it in other guys, they may not be the best looking or whatever, but they seem to know how to lead and ultimately, how to hook the girl. Whereas I just have nice conversations with everyone.

Obviously I'm not always that "nice" guy, there have been times I've felt that assertive energy, but it doesn't stay. My question is, for guys similar to me, how have you developed that vibe? What were some things you realized or things you needed to specifically work on?

[–]bjlmag 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If you want to find women who really click with you, you have to polarize, and this might mean "stepping on some toes".

If you're having trouble adopting a masculine energy, start spending more time with men. Being president of a fraternity is one thing, but if you're still not able to stand up for yourself, take risks, and lead, you need some practice.

My biggest sticking point at the start of this year was this same thing, and it's been a slow but very rewarding process. You have to start small and work up, just like building any other habit.

Learn how to say no. Don't let people walk all over you. If you don't want to do something, don't agree to do it. If you don't like something that somebody does or says, tell them. It will be uncomfortable at first, and you might feel like you're "stepping on toes", but people don't respect men that they can walk all over and men who don't stand up for themselves.

In terms of women specifically, start being more direct and taking the lead when making plans. Lead them physically when you're with them. Make decisions when decisions need to be made. Don't supplicate to girls or hide who you are just because they're attractive.

Show and tell girls what you want from them. This used to be my biggest sticking point, and working on it has drastically improved my results.

[–]mcrf7 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]bjlmag 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean to show girls through your actions what you want. If you are interested in a girl, make it clear. Escalate, be physical, use your body language/eye contact to make that known, even if doing so might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Often times "niceguys" might really be interested in a girl but act completely friendly in an attempt to slowly win her over without putting themselves out there. Showing the girl your real intent would involve putting yourself out there from the start.

I also mean in terms of making plans and decisions on dates.

For example, I recently wanted to take a girl out specifically to get dressed up. Rather than being wishy-washy or unclear about the plan or asking whatever she wanted to do, I texted her and told her outright that I wanted to take her out, I wanted her to wear a form-fitting black dress, and I wanted her to wear red lipstick.

We had a fantastic night.

Does that make more sense?

Title	How do I develop that assertive, man-woman vibe?
Author	mynameiswut
Upvotes	6
Comments	3
Date	April 20, 2017 7:32 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/66k243/how_do_i_develop_that_assertive_manwoman_vibe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-develop-that-assertive-man-woman-vibe.1423630 https://theredarchive.com/post/1423630

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