i'm writing this on my ipod, while in bed, so please excuse the ungrammatical capitalization.

where to start...i haven't had a partner in about 8 years. i used to rely on my looks to get wonen, but now that those have layers upon layers of fat covering them my unattractive personality shines through. and by that, i mean i'm like the anti-PUA: i'm needy, depressive, an emotional slut in that i give girls too much too quickly, and i'm basically steeped in self-hatred...the polar opposite of confidence. i'm on meds for depression and my hope is that they kick in soon, because life like this is unbearable.

this post might be better in /r/suicidewatch, /r/depression, /r/foreveralone, or even /r/loseit, but i think the root of my issues, beyond organic/neurological depression (i have some brain damage from a car accident 15 years ago), is being alone.

i think the main problem i have with seduction as it's presented here is that i'd have to do a radical personality change in order for women to want me, and i would like them to want me for me. relatedlly, doesn't the "seduction method" give rise to a sort of sameness among its adherents? all the speakers i've seen seem like these frat bro caricatures of masculinity, swaggering around while saying "cool", "shit" and "fuck" every other word. it just seems like being attractive has to be broader than the PUA archetype that seems so prevalent.

in spite of my misgivings, i'm asking for help. but i have sort of an allergy to subcultures, and i don't want to be another one of the mostly-identical pick up artists. is there sone way to do this without being a carbon copy of mystery, tyler durden, or whomever? maybe just be confident/positive/fun, approach incessantly, and look good? i think i could handle those requirements. and/or, be the opposite of those negative qualities i mentioned above: don't be needy, don't give the girl too much emotionally (be mysterious, maybe), and maybe most importantly find some way of dealing with the depression.

what do you think? sorry for the long post.