I'm not witty often, nor funny, and I'm generally bad at holding a conversation, and I've never flirted with anyone.

Also, my brain processes what I hear slower than your average person.

Obviously I need to be funny, witty, and flirty if I ever want to get laid or a girlfriend, so how do I get better at this. I have no idea what to say, whether it'll get me arrested or put on some kind of register.

Also, is it ok to say "Hey sugar tits, how are you?", as an opening line on OkCupid?