How much success is possible before it's necessary to tackle negative beliefs?

puaCurveBall · 2013-07-25T21:44:36+00:00

How successful can I become, with women and in other areas of my life, before I realize that it's time to work on sorting out those negative beliefs?

This is not an answerable question. All of the following are completely up to you to define:

What success means
When you'll realize its time to work on stuff
Whether you want to work on stuff
What "work on negative beliefs" means to you
How you determine if you have done "enough" work on negative beliefs.
Whether you believe there is a barrier to what you call success before you get to the point you define as being "enough" work on the things you define as negative beliefs.

Do you see why this isn't answerable?

Would you even enjoy your life if it was filled with seduced women if you held onto these negative beliefs???

CoolLordL21 · 2013-07-25T23:51:19+00:00

Not very successful because those fears will work against you, and they will end up sabotaging any success you may have had.

Source: Literally just happened to me last Friday.

If I may ask, what are your negative beliefs?

Mine are:

fear of success (always seems to come at a high price or get taken away from me due to something beyond my control)
fear of losing interest (me). I have a bad habit where I look at a date as if I need to decide right away if she's wifing material.
fear of losing interest (her). This comes from a bad breakup with my ex where she left me because I moved to better myself. The belief now is that no relationship will last (I like how this contradicts with the one above but I still suffer from it :/)

mileshigh_23 · 2013-07-26T05:29:30+00:00

If you don't mind sharing, what are some of your negative self beliefs?

I've had a fair amount of experience in this area, as I'm sure many of us have being humans. All through high school and into college I had a full on phobia of public speaking. I would basically have mini panic attack meltdowns speaking in front of just about anyone; this ultimately boiled down to deep seated negative beliefs. Five years ago, after dropping out of my college speech class, I decided I would face the fear head on and joined Toastmasters. I've been attending meetings ever since. I went on to be the leader of Toastmasters in my county and even started the first Toastmasters club in my university's history. You've got to throw yourself toward your negative beliefs until you find that much of them is your mind playing tricks on you. In psychology (as I'm you're aware as you referenced CBT therapy which is an excellent tool), this is known as deconditioning or 'flooding.'

Work on your inner game, but realize you might be working for a long time. Why not game and supplement that field experience with meditation, CBT, and other tools?

recyclablebantha · 2013-07-26T06:20:56+00:00

Sure, getting success with women can help end some of those beliefs.... And was it necessary for you to do this before things started to go tremendously well for you?

Yes, but it's ultimately unsustainable success because sooner or later, those beliefs, if unchecked, will often drive people away. Because if you don't truly love yourself first, you won't be gaming based on who you are, but instead based on someone you think you have to be. And THAT is what will always bring it down. You'll either get sick of being someone you're not to get a girl, or they'll find out who you really are, and your insecurities will drive them away.

And heaven forbid, if you get into a relationship with such beliefs holding you down, and it sticks..... then you'll find yourself in a personal hell of your own making, because being in an unhealthy relationship where both people keep each other down, is a terrible place to be, too.

does it make sense to put a temporary pause on meeting women for a little while (few weeks or couple of months) and just work on sorting out all this stuff?

It would not be terrible to take some time for yourself. But you don't have to become a monk to work on yourself or set aside "You" time for the express purpose of making progress towards your personal goals

Or can I keep ignoring my beliefs and just work on seducing women (along with other areas of my life like health and business) as long as it continues to work.

It may work in the short term and it wouldn't necessarily keep you from going through a series of disposable interactions with girls, but if you want more, you will have to eventually face these demons. They won't go away unless you build yourself up on something more solid than the validation you're getting from the women you date.

Or will not fixing these negative beliefs eventually catch up with me, leading to deeper unhappiness with my situation?

Yep.

I remember a post some guy dropped a little while back..... This guy was cynical as hell. A potential future for any guy who ignores their own issues but then plows forward and tries to build serious relationships anyway. He had been married and divorced and was currently going through a series of relationships with women that were meaningless to him and it was really getting to him. I've honestly seen few guys who got this bad: he was at a point where there was a lot of anger with him and he was screwing himself over by letting it bleed over into his social interactions.

This is the kind of thing that you risk if you allow negative beliefs to build up over time.

Were you successul in changing negative beliefs, and how has your life (in terms of women and in other ways too) changed because of it?

Yes. The change is not black and white..... it is a process, not a destination. It's more like I'm on the path to maintaining myself but I always have to remain vigilant, lest those little demons gain strength again if I'm not paying attention to, and taking care of, myself.

Apart from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), what other ways have you found to confront and change your negative beliefs?

Have you actually used CBT? I am not entirely sure, but I think I did something similar to myself (without a therapist) to dig myself out of the hole I was in.

In any case, the lion's share of the work has to come from you. At the heart of all of it, has to be the belief that you are a person worth getting to know. And arriving at that conclusion HAS to be a choice that comes from you. There is no magic pill that can accomplish this for you. Any solution that comes from an external source, will not be sustainable or long term.

Title	How much success is possible before it's necessary to tackle negative beliefs?
Author	nowboarding
Upvotes	1
Comments	4
Date	July 25, 2013 10:40 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j0q91/how_much_success_is_possible_before_its_necessary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-much-success-is-possible-before-its-necessary.1355888 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355888

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