Over the weekend, I approached a college girl in a sandwich shop. A customer walked in with her dog, and she fawned all over it. I turned around and asked if she likes dog, if she’s a dog or cat person, blah blah blah. She then showed me pictures of a dog she encountered earlier that day. I took the chance to move over to her table and we continued to talk. We spent probably an hour together getting to know each other (background, interests, cost of living and so on). This was the problem. We were just talking, and things weren’t moving anywhere. At the end, I didn’t even care anymore.

My opinion only: the whole idea of getting to know each other, letting her feel comfortable is defeating the purpose. In my scenario, things got so comfortable that I felt bored.

This left me with the conclusion that I needed to show my intents sooner. Let her make up her mind and move on. Between the extremes of hitting her hard immediately and talking forever to get comfortable, where is the right balance?

Another way of looking at it is how do I keep raising the temperature while she is taking her time to get comfortable?