Last weekend I went to the clubs to record some infield footage of myself approaching women. In this article, I’m going to break down one of my approaches: you’re going to see exactly how I use verbal game to make a girl experience an increasing desire to sleep with me (the audio from the interaction is included below).

 

Audio part 1: 0:00 - 0:14

(each link starts at the relevant time in the track.) https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U

 

A friend dared me to walk up to a group of three girls and say, “Hi, I’m awkward man, nice to meet you.” No, that isn’t the best opener, it’s actually a pretty bad opener. However, even a bad opener can work if your delivery is good. An awkward line said with a confident, nonchalant tonality will be more effective than a good line said with self-doubt.

Audio part 2: 0:14 - 0:51

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=0:14

 

After my open, I tell the cutest girl, “You know who you remind me of? Sharon Stone who plays a serial killer in the movie Basic Instinct.”

Telling a girl she reminds you of a particular actress is a good way to break the ice of a conversation because: A. Every girl is fascinated by how she comes across to others.

B. This allows you to frame the girl as having particular personality traits. In this case, I’m framing the girl as having a dark side (this comes into play throughout the conversation).

 

Audio part 3: 0:52 - 1:03

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=0:52

 

The girl says she would make a great serial killer and I challenge her by saying, “You’re not a very good liar.” I then give her some tips on how to improve her skills.

The purpose of this is to create a narrative, a roleplay that this girl wants to be a serial killer but doesn’t quite have the skills and I’m an ‘expert’ who is guiding her.

Role plays, in general, are a great tool because they give you an excuse to talk about things that are taboo, emotionally charged, and even sexual. A role play isn’t real, so it’s okay to act in a way you normally wouldn’t. But the emotions elicited during the role-play are real: you can use them to make a girl trust you deeply, feel sexual desire for you, etc.

 

Audio part 4: 1:04 - 1:09

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U

 

Suggesting that a girl is a serial killer might seem like an odd role play, but it subtly flips the script: women usually assume men will chase them and be aggressive, but I am implying this girl is the aggressor, she’s the one who wants to use me.

It’s interesting that one of the next things to come out of her mouth is, “If I want to be an effective serial killer, I would just say, ‘Hey, I want to have sex with you, let’s go back to my place.’”

She’s saying this because it fits the aggressive, mischievous frame that was already set in the interaction and because she’s turned on. Subconsciously, she is thinking about having sex with me (I know this because of the way she was looking at me and reacting to me).

Audio: Part 5: 1:10 - 1:39

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=1:10

 

I challenge what she said, “That might work 40% of the time, but do you want to serial kill boring ASU guys?” This is an example of holding the frame: I want this girl to see me as someone who is confident in his own beliefs and who is a leader. It’s important that I lead and direct the conversation.

She then says, “You’re savage, you’re even more savage than I am.” She said this because I ‘held the frame’, because I was unapologetic and willing to disagree with what she said.

 

Audio Part 6: 1:40 - 1:47

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=1:40

The girl is holding strong eye contact, so I say, “That’s the glare, the Sharon Stone glare from Basic Instinct.” This is implying that she’s looking at me like a piece of meat (as her next victim), and it simultaneously brings attention to our eye contact which accentuates the intensity even more.

 

Audio Part 7:1:48 - 2:14

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=1:48

 

I say, “If you can learn to dilate your pupils, it will make people trust you and be more attracted to you.” She says, “So you’re saying I could do that to lure people…”

And I say, “You’re pupils are already pretty dilated, I’m not sure why, but they’re pretty dilated.”

She replies, “You’re pretty cocky.”

It’s well-known that when people feel sexual attraction for someone, their pupils dilate, so by telling this girl her pupils were dilated I was implying she must be attracted to me.

Cocky lines like this can be very effective but only if they are reflective of the truth. If you tell a girl she likes you, but she actually feels no sexual tension, then you’re going to come across as awkward.

Being arrogant doesn’t spark sexual attraction, but it can amplify attraction that’s already there. And that’s powerful, there’s a substantial difference between flirting with a guy and feeling an irresistible desire to sleep with him. If you want a one-night stand, making a girl feel attracted is great, but the more you amplify it, the more likely she is to go home with you.

 

Audio Part 8: 2:14 - 2:46

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=2:14

 

The girl says “Abe Lincoln was trash,” I ask her to explain why and she says, “because he boxed, he was a fighter.”

I reply, “Why does that make him trash?”

She says, “He’s overly aggressive, he got us into a war between the south because of his aggressive policies.”

Now, I could say, “That’s fascinating.” Instead, I challenge her by saying, “That’s not directly the boxing, I mean being a politician who can box would give you a lot of power in one on one situations. You’d have a lot of leverage when the person across the table knows you can kick their ass.”

Again, I’m doing this because I want the underlying frame of the interaction to be that I am a leader, that I am unafraid to speak my mind even if it goes against the grain. This creates a sense of challenge - the girl has to prove herself if she wants me to like her. I’m not going to give her positive feedback unless she earns it, which motivates her to start chasing me.

 

Audio Part 9: 2:47 - 3:00

(From here on the audio quality is worse because we’re on a loud dance floor.) https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=2:47

 

The girl’s friends say they’re going to dance and we agree to join them. As we arrive at the dance floor, the girl sits down on the edge of a table. I use this as an opportunity to dance like a male stripper.

I say, “Start throwing some dollars and maybe you’ll get some more.”

She replies, “You’re confident, man.”

Compliments like this are one of the most obvious signs a girl can give you that she likes you, and you should be getting compliments from girls on a fairly regular basis, whether that be, “You’re really funny,” “You’re so interesting,” or even, “You’re pretty cute.” The fact that you’re getting compliments is a sign you’re doing something right.

To be clear, not every girl will compliment you even if they like you. Many girls prefer to show their interest non-verbally, but if no girls are complimenting you, you’re either not meeting enough women or you’re not making a strong enough impression on the girls you meet.

At this point in the interaction, the girl is sitting down by the dance floor. I could take this as a sign that she’s not interested, but I make the positive assumption that she’s just shy. I grab her hand and pull her in to dance with me. We start grinding and I make a point to always be the first one to pull away: I’m giving her something she wants, but I’m also teasing her.

 

Audio Part 10: 3:00 - 3:22

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=3:00

She comments on my dance moves and I reply, “I dated a stripper, and I basically copied her moves; minus the gracefulness.” This comment is a classic example of an old-school game technique called a “DHV” or demonstration of higher value.

Demonstrations of higher value allow you to imply you have a cool life without saying it in a way that comes across as bragging.

If I were to randomly bring up the fact that I dated a stripper, that would come across as weird and try-hard. But because it came up in the conversation organically, I was able to imply I have a history of dating attractive women without it seeming forced.

To be clear, you don’t need to use “DHV” stories to get girls, the most powerful way to demonstrate higher value isn’t through stories, it’s with your nonverbal behavior and leadership.

 

Audio Part 11: 3:23 - 3:46

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=3:23

 

At this point, we’re talking about our careers and I say, “I’m a writer.”

She replies, “With a psychology degree? What do you write?”

I say, “You can guess. You’re smart enough… I hope.”

This is a challenge, I’m implying that I might lose some of my interest in her if she can’t come up with the correct answer. This puts pressure on her (which she experiences as sexual tension). In her mind, it looks something like this, “I’m not sure if he likes me or not, I hope he doesn’t reject me if I say the wrong thing.”

Audio Part 12: 3:50 - 3:57

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=3:50

 

She says, “So, you know about psychology, what can you tell about me?”

I reply, “I already know everything I need to know.” Again, this is a cocky line that makes her want to chase me.

 

Audio Part 13: 3:58 - 4:15

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=3:58

She says, “Tell me something I don’t know about myself.”

I respond, “It’s too loud in here, we can’t really talk.”

I’m saying this to seed the pull. Basically, I am implying that the location we’re currently in isn’t ideal for conversation and later, when she wants to talk again, I can use that as an excuse to say, “Let’s go somewhere quieter where we can really hear each other.”

 

Audio Part 14: 4:16 - End

https://soundcloud.com/avery-graham-hayden/audio-infield-1-how-to-set-a-sexual-frame/s-0m68U#t=4:16

 

On the dance floor I say, (while my face is only a few inches from hers) “When you serial kill me, promise you won’t use poison, do something more interesting.”

Although the logical layer of conversation is about serial killing, the subtext is about sex - we’re talking about her seducing me.

I’ve noticed that this girl isn’t glued to her friends, she is comfortable dancing with me alone and she hasn't mentioned that she needs to go back to her group.

When a woman makes it easy for you to lead the interaction towards sex it’s a big green light that she is down to go home with you (few women will lead things towards sex themselves).

I’m pretty confident that I can pull this girl right now. Unfortunately, I notice the guy who’s supposed to be recording the video of the interaction has disappeared.

So, I tell the girl I have to go find my friend and I’ll be back later.

I text my friend, “where’d you go man?” And he says he went to a completely different club, I decided to go join him because I wanted to get more infield footage.

Ultimately, I didn’t pull the girl from this audio; you can’t expect to hook up with every girl that wants to sleep with you, sometimes random shit comes up.

It’s important to know that game isn’t just about getting laid, the experience of approaching women and making an emotional connection with total strangers is just as rewarding as pulling a girl.

 

Wrapping Up

 

To be clear, conversation tactics like you saw me use in this audio breakdown are the icing on the cake: you don’t need to use framing to attract a girl or to bring her home with you.

More often than not, you can have a fairly boring conversation with a girl and sleep with her - so long as your vocal tonality exudes confidence, your eye contact is strong, and you lead her without hesitation.

Yes, what you say matters, and conversational framing is a useful tool. However, it’s not necessary that you master this skill to attract women: this is an advanced technique that can help you take your results from good to great.