Yesterday I was invited to see some friends... It was a invitation that I was getting for over two years, and I kept rejecting for several reasons (most of them out of my control, but some lack of security or initiative).

I accepted at once and saw them. Since I knew some girls would be there, and I already read lots of seddit posts, I went with alpha mindset there (in fact I truly believe I am alpha), I was smiling, beaming, feeling awesome, I talked with lots of people and everyone liked me...

Except when I wanted to talk with a girl I thought was pretty and of my age (I talked with awesome girls that I am not interested because they are 40 year old easily, I even had to take care to not end seducing them, and one did hit on me anyway after she thought I was seducing her).

And I wanted to talk with that girl... and... and...

I went to the bathroom, fixed my hair, took a pee, fixed my pants (that were falling, because I am losing weight and they were bought when I was 10kg heavier).

Then I looked at her some more... and some more... and then I went for... another girl (interesting too, also my age, but much less stunning in looks, but I would also do her).

And I said: "You look a little lost..." and she replied: "Not really, I am only shy, I am with them." and then she points to the totally hot and stunning chick. And I just... just... do nothing. And she stands and leaves.

Later at night, some friends (part of the same group I was earlier) invited me to see a event happening in the city (about 20 shows of various sorts at once, the entire city go to see, and the city has 10 million people, thus you can figure the absurd flux of people there).

I arrived 1 hour earlier in the subway station... So I had to wait... And then I saw a awesome girl!

And... and...

I froze again. I rehearsed some seddit posts, some old 4chan posts, and several things, and that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, that I already had the no, that I had to be confident (and I was actually), yet I froze anyway... I decided to medidate, and think, and whatnot, and slowly walk toward her...

When I looked at my clock, I had wasted 20 minutes already... Then I really approached the girl, and froze again... And she turned around and I saw she had no butt (I was then seeing her front, she had HUUUGE boobs). And I went like: "Oh, she has ugly butt, bail out."

But I also knew I was lying to myself, that this was just a convenient excuse to fail without taking a too large hit to my self-steem.

Then I went to another place of the station, to get away from that girl, and saw other girl, different from the first because this one was completely alone (the first was with 3 friends, and because 2 of them kissed a lot one of my fears was get a reply along: "I am lesbian, fuck off"), And... and...

damnit, I froze again.

And I kept there, 10 minutes just staring at her from far (she did not saw me).

And then I heard some guys playing music and... "Oh, music is nice, I wil go hear it!"

And then I noticed that I fled again, the music was really nice truly, but I went to hear it not because I wanted to hear music (that was part of the reason, like 40%), but because I wanted to get away from another girl that I could not even say hi.

When I talk with women I knew over internet, or women I had to talk to them anyway (like women presented to me or employee that I had o talk to, like a cashier or a vendor), I can strike awesome alpha conversations that never make them indifferent (although for those that keep reading my past reddits, I am constantly getting some to friendzone instead).

But I realized that my biggest failure, the biggest reason I cannot get the women I want, is not the friendzone, is not that I am still fat, it is that when I see one in person, one that I do not know, I cannot talk to them, I just freeze there on the spot.

Someone has more tips on that specifically?