So I'm talking with a good friend of mine about how to get good at cold approach. But here's the thing. He wants to get into a relationship. And he's an older guy. This information applies regardless of age.

I have put part of the text into a conversation format. Aside thoughts in italics.

Q: Well I don't want to go to a bar. It's a bunch of 18 to 25 year olds running around, and you don't see a lot of people in their 30s and 40s, there.

Me: the reason you don't see a lot of people in their 30s 40s and 50s there is because people tend to segregate themselves with other people like them.

Now, I won't actually go off too far on a tangent with this, but people segregate themselves towards people like them.

They usually do it on a very shallow criteria. “Are you the same age as me?” or” I like punk rock music. Do you also like punk rock music?”

People segregate themselves constantly. When you are learning game you are learning to connect on a deeper level. You are getting to the root of attraction.

Beyond classism, racism, ageism, political party, etc.

If you go to a swingers club everyone is naked no one says “ will you sleep with my wife? But first what’s your political affiliation lol” (I use this as an example to show an environment where all pretention had been stripped away.)

The reason why you can build attraction with someone, even if you're wearing LL Bean and you go into a punk rock place. Is that all human beings share 99% of DNA with a gorilla. So, we share far more DNA with each other, but we look at very, very shallow things.

We are obsessed with difference.

But enough of that .

So I was explaining to him how to get good at cold approach.

Me: the way that you get good at cold approach is by getting reference experiences by getting reps in. This is not the same as something being a numbers game. If someone is considering something, a numbers game. They are suggesting that there is no skill involved, and it's just rote repetition. nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s a momentum game.

So, he wants to meet his future wife, an amazing woman. Maybe somebody between the age of 34 and 45. Most of the women between the age of 34 and 45 aren't at bars downtown. Thus he concludes that is not a good place for him to meet women. wrong.

Q: Well, I've been online, and my online funnel has dried up. I think that Tinder is Shadow banning me and Bumble is Shadow banning me.

Me: Have you met anyone online? and he says yes. And I go, great. And where did you go on your date?

Q: We went to salsa class.

Me: Okay. And out of salsa class were there attractive women there?,

Q: Yes.

Me: did these attractive women see you with another attractive woman?

Q: yes

Me: Do you now realize that in that environment, you've been pre selected? and all of those women, if you were to go back by yourself and strike up a conversation would say something to the effect of,” is that your girlfriend that you're normally here with?”

besides that point, you can meet attractive women at coffee shops, yoga classes, salsa classes, cooking classes, so on and so forth.

The problem is is that most of these environments are more challenging to do approaches at .

Because when you see that attractive woman in the grocery store or the yoga class, you want to come across as calibrated in that particular social environment. Because there is more imaginary social pressure. Also you haven’t had a chance to warm up socially. (Not everyone needs to warm up.)

The reason why you go out to a downtown nightclub area is to get your reps in, so that the art of socializing is in your bones.

Me: So that when you see that attractive woman at yoga class, it's natural and normal. Also, if you go to the gym regularly, or to that yoga class regularly. You're going to see that person again. So you're going to be concentrating on every word, and making sure that you don't fuck it up and make it awkward .

this creates a tremendous amount of social pressure.

So what these guys are doing is they take a salsa class to meet some woman. Okay. They see a woman they're attracted to. They gather all their courage, they remember everything that they've studied online, and they go and approach her. Good for them. The woman says no, they're crushed and heartbroken and they go, what's wrong with women. This is way off. What this guy actually could have been doing is taking his 50 year old ass out to an environment full of 25 year olds and practicing socializing. This would have allowed him to deal with his age narratives inside of his head, to deal with being uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment, to do a number of things.

Then, by the time he sees that attractive girl. In the salsa class. He‘a far more calibrated. His energy is way more on point. Okay.

He’s aware of the other persons energy. Guys get so hurt when girls are “rude” at bars. This is not the way to look at it. When people go to a bar they are expecting people to be social. The rule is you are allowed to speak to whoever you want and they are allowed to respond however they like.

I don’t want you guys getting pissed at some girl and losing your cool always say “it’s a pleasure to meet you have a great night.”

She did you a tremendous favor. She helped you develop a thick skin. She is not the girl who rejected you in 5th grade. You are becoming a better man. You are weathering away the shell of ego protection.

off the other person's energy. And yet and still, sometimes you're going to talk to that girl and she's very loudly gonna say “ I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested.”

And you're going to feel a sense of embarrassment, and other people may look at you and you need to be able to brush that off, graciously. This can only come through practice.

You cannot practice effectively in a social circle type of environment alone.

Okay. So, to break this down into simpler steps get reference experiences at a busy nightclub environments.

Hit up multiple bars move to multiple venues.

Always come from a self entertaining, loving place. I'm not saying be a pushover and a pussy and don't express interest.

What I'm saying is if you're saying something that in your head. You think to yourself, “I'm intruding on these people, and I'm making their life worse”then figure out how you can bring value, and connection.

If you're saying.” It's so weird. I'm 50 years old and these women are half my age. This is so creepy”.

That's just an age narrative that you have. You don't have to hit on people. walk up to them, give them a compliment, tell them that you think they have a nice energy, and find out a little bit about them come from a place of curiosity.

All we're doing is deprogramming you from your fear of approaching.

Now that you've done this, simultaneously, you should be doing things to have an interesting life.

Attend yoga classes. Attend cooking classes, go to salsa, so on and so forth. Do things that you find interesting, where women also attend.

Okay. This is very important. We all have a masculine and a feminine nature. Okay. So, yoga class, yoga is wonderful to move your body to get into flow to relax yourself to release tension. The gym is wonderful. Okay, so you're doing these things to build an interesting life.

Because you've been approaching when you see someone you're interested in, you can strike up a conversation more naturally, because you're striking up a conversation more naturally, you come across, far better.

Hope this helps. Keep me posted on your journey. All the best 👍🏽