First, I will say this is a never ending journey nor do I claim to be perfect or better than anyone just because I have learned these lessons. I remember I used to be asking the same question many years ago. I would see very rare individuals that could wear whatever they wanted and make it look good, spoke their minds freely, backed behind their beliefs and were completely ok being themselves. When you interacted with them you feel a certain sense of peace and relaxation. It always leaves you wanting more. You always ask "What is that certain something about them?" That secret sauce everyone is after. Now I am so used to it I don't even remember what it is like to care. For me it was a compilation of many revelations I've had that got me there. This is just my experience, not any absolute truth. I just hope some can learn from this.

  1. When you're interacting with people, girls, friends we tend to be focused on how others are perceiving us. This is why we get awkward and anxious. We are thinking of what to say next instead of just being present. The funny thing is, One night at a bar I realized that girls and people I was talking to were just as wrapped up in their heads as me. All of a sudden I realized I wasn't the one being awkward, THEY are the one's being weird. It's funny when you see it. The key is not to take any of it personally, people are weird and they are gonna always be weird haha. Embrace it and enjoy it for what it is.
  2. I remember I used to always dress a very standard way. Wore what everyone else wore. The reason we don't stray from this is social pressure. People will notice, comment on it and it brings a lot of attention to you. It takes a certain level of "not give a fuck" if you will to own who you are despite the attention. Your reaction is how people will react. If you embrace it with a "Damn i'm the only person in the world that is rocking this look and I love it" people will say "I love that hat bro, you're the only one I know that could rock that". If you are self-conscious people will make fun of you. There is only one you, why follow the crowd?
  3. Be Polarizing: If you are truly being yourself, speaking your truths, beliefs and how you feel unapologetically you will have people that don't like you. It is what it is. People are scared of this. What they don't think about is the other side. When you are what I stated above you'll quickly find those few amazing people that absolutely love you, respect you, and adore you. The best part- you are being 100% you and people still love you. Knowing you have people that love you for you is a feeling that very few experience. You cannot get that until you are ok with being hated by some who are honestly just jealous they can't be themselves like you.
  4. The reason people are so comfortable around people that are comfortable is because when people sense you are being authentic and true to yourself, people unconsciously (without them even knowing) are given permission to do the same.
  5. End: I hope you experience this feeling someday. It makes me sad that there are so many people trapped by their own limitations. These lessons were learned over the course of many years. Take it slow and remember to be mindful... Cheers friends :)
  6. A great poem to sum it up below--

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened
about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically
liberates others.