I am a beginner 22y/o AFC. Only recently got out of a severe gaming/porn addiction and began socialising. My self esteem and confidence are growing rapidly as I live a much healthier life now. But I still slip up here and there.

2months ago I asked my oneitis if I could take her out when I came back from a long holiday, she asked "a date?", I said yes and she said LJBF and turned me down. Didn't really bother me and I said okay I understand. Working up the courage to even ask was a big step for me.

Recently she asked to catch up with me so I went. I was different, more relaxed and open since I had been talking to other girls and been rejected many times. We were connecting and got pretty close but I still have escalation anxiety which is why she can't see me the way I would like. That's my fault and it's okay. I am learning.

At one point she wanted to move so I said "I was thinking I could kiss you right now." After a little tug of war (I was not confident, it showed) she said "I thought we talked about this. No." Here I showed some weakness... It kind of sucked. I said some weird shit like "Jesus, X, it's like you just shot me in the heart. It's okay though. I'll live." "I know you will." She said but she could see it killed me a bit. I pushed past it and the rest of the time we spent together was still fun. She'd put her arms around me on escalators and I could reach behind and touch her ass. She also suggested I should be less shy but internally I was still defeated.

What is the healthiest way to respond to rejection? I was happy that day because for once I was my real self around her, I wasn't nervous or hiding my intentions like I used to (with the exception of escalating). We talked about sex, which I would normally immediately shy away from, and I felt some tension there. But when she rejected me again I felt really discouraged, like I believed I somehow wasn't good enough, and that's a turn off. How does a confident, abundance mentality man respond when he is rejected by the one he REALLY wants? Does he go for it and not allow himself to be rejected? I feel I have given her all the power in this relationship by displaying my emotions and not having the balls to take what I want. It's like I tell her how badly I want her but I don't show her, since acting on it is what makes me nervous.

And no, I'm not asking how to get the girl. I'm no longer chasing and I understand I should look elsewhere at this point. I'm wondering what I could do better for future crushes.