I know this might get downvoted in this sub, but I am gonna submit it in this sub anyways.

Long story short, I had an incredibly sheltered upbringing growing up. It has sheltered me that I am now a 26-year-old male who has never been kissed, had a girlfriend and is still a virgin.

Growing up, I didn't have a hardcore friend group and as of this moment, a friendless adult male. I will always resent missing out on the college experience and being forced to stay home. But I also realized that a lot of this was my fault. I should have studied harder in high school, but I also realize that there's nothing I could do now. The past has happened and the damage has been done.

Being as sheltered as I was, I just feel that my social window has closed. Keep it simple, making friends and having romantic relationships at 26 is different from 18 or 19. None of the adult friends I have seen at this point don't seem nearly as close to those made in their adolesence and childhood. I find the lack of closeness nor nostalgia of these "friendships" disappointing.

Yes, dorm life may have been overrated, but the thought of living with and seeing your friends nearly every day and knowing they're just down the hall is incredible. You can't replicate that in adulthood.

I admittedly am still deep down looking for the adventurous college/high school/adolesence years I never got to have even though I know it's never coming.

How does this affect my view of romantic relationships? I know I am emotionally stunted. I know how far back I am. Evidently, I know I am going to end up with single moms as my crop of choice. I have 0 interest in these women no offense. In a way, I'm just not interested in women outside of the 18 to 22 bracket. I know older relationships are chill, but I don't want to chill. I want constant excitement and I have no desire to be bombarded with getting married and having kids either. If it were up to me, I would be 19 forever.

I know I'm immature, and I try my best to hide it in the real world but it's exhausting in the end. It's like I know I have to play an act in front of my potential adult "friends" and "romantic partners". I can't help but deeply resent it, and thus secretly hate every adult interaction. I am deeply bitter that I have to hide my own immaturity. Yeah, I said it.

I just find the thought of having a romantic relationship at this point of my life exhausting and that includes friendships. It's all just so serious and tedious and none of it seems enjoyable.

I know some of you will say to put myself out there. But I'm just not interested. To be blunt, I just don't care. Human relationships at my age just aren't the same. None of it isn't what I'm looking for. None of it will be enough to compensate for my lost years. And it's the only thing I give a shit about.

I know people will say 30 is still young, but for me who had no adolescence, it seems too old.

Sorry for the long post.