Whenever I'm ''in state'' my ego seems to get massive.

Growing up I was fat and ignored but now that's not the case. I look better, but when I chat to girls and start to get some momentum rolling it seems that my ego gets huge. I become highly arrogant and full of myself. I LOVE the validation I get when I'm in zone and getting attention from girls, and I become a lot more arrogant due to it.

The advantages of this is that I become VERY witty. I almost always have a perfect response. I become sexually aggressive and can escalate quickly, and I'm very direct and use statements. Many times I just flat out tell the girl we'll get with each other and it happens. My teasing game is almost perfect.

The drawbacks is that with this huge ego, it is almost always fragile - if someone says shit about me it hurts it and I doubt myself - I become obsessed with my image of being seen as a fuckboy, and it leads to arguments a lot. The thing is that while being an arrogant bad boy has its advantages, it almost always leads me to getting cockblocked too - because the girls friends can quite clearly see I'm a bad influence.

And I also always need to be drunk to induce this state.

This conflicts with the other approach I take which is to meditate and be chill. My previous approach was to do long meditation sessions and to ''lose'' my ego - this would make me very very calm and people would comment on how calm I am, they'd tell me I'm such a laid back and chill guy. Conversations flow when I take this approach opposed to the arrogant douche approach, but in terms of sexual escalation it never really works.

But even after meditating and inducing this calm state, as soon as I start to get drunk my ego returns.

I seem to be torn between choosing this calm ''egoless'' meditative state against the arrogant approach. The ''egoless'' state is good for making friends and enjoying nice conversations but I seem to struggle to escalate and have the witty banter that I have when I'm drunk and arrogant. The biggest problem with the arrogant ego-centric approach, is that despite its results, it still brings upon a lot of stress. My self worth is still rooted in validation.

Any advice?