I need serious help

MrNobody___ · 2021-04-01T02:13:25+00:00

A lot of your guy friends that are talking shit about you being a virgin, are probably virgins too. Maybe, they are even kissless but are lying for some social proof.

Also you can't get in a relationship if you're doing nothing beside playing gmod. You gotta talk to girls or maybe guys, if that your thing.

r3d_ti3_guy · 2021-04-01T03:56:03+00:00

The best way to stop playing on your “shitty laptop” is to turn it off. You’re not going to be able to build a better life and leave the situation you’re in without action. Motivation comes from within and is your responsibility. What are you interested in outside of your home. Make a list of 5 things you’d like to see that are local. How are your grades? Do you have any other hobbies?

letsgetlit2019 · 2021-04-01T13:36:46+00:00

Sorry for your situation, man. I'm going to treat you like an adult here and tell it how it is. Here's some ideas you can try, since you asked.

I think that you need to have a conversation with your dad about his behavior. This might seem very hard to do, especially, when you're suffering, but you need to talk to him about his hoarding, protectiveness and other issues you have with him. I recommend the books "Crucial conversations" and "Verbal Judo", get a copy of these books somehow and keep them. You sound like you're going to need to refer to them a lot in the coming years.

Why should you do this?

These books have techniques that can be used to have productive conversations, while also avoiding conflict. This may seem counter-intuitive, but in this situation, you don't want to antagonize your dad. Especially if he is your primary caregiver and legal guardian, because he could cause you to drop out of school or take away your laptop or any other things to make your life worse. The dropping out of school thing is critical because from the sound of what you've said, you don't have a high school leaving/ GED certificate yet, and this is required if you want to have a job and make some money. Recognize that your situation is delicate, and read these books. Also look for resources on Assertiveness training, you sound like you need it.

I think that you need to actually do some research on two topics "sex" and "women". I know I sound like an adult lecturing you, but these aren't playthings, these are serious topics. Your first sexual experience could very well determine your relationship to sex for the rest of your life. Read psychological papers about this, books on why people have sex, books on female psychology and female nature as well as books on relationships. Examples are, "She Comes First" (if you're dying to have sex so bad, you should at least know what you are doing). "No more Mr. Nice guy" (this book's target audience is adult men who aren't under the provision/protection of their parents. Take the messages with caution.) also read "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes and the "Red Queen" by Matt Ridley. I don't know how you will get your hands on these, but that's for you figure out. Also buy a condom, and attempt to wear it, you don't want to be a father on top of your current situation.

Why should you do this? Peer pressure can make it seem like the solution for your problems, it's not. I'm telling you that after you have sex, which will not be that good (since the girls also haven't had that much sex), you will still do everything that you do normally, and your dad's attitude won't change. Sex should not be used as an band-aid for your problems, that's how you get sex addiction, STDs and toxic relationships, these things aren't fun. Look them up if you are curious.

I think that you need to get leverage over your dad in this situation. This may sound bad initially, but you have to recognize the power imbalance between you and your father. Your father doesn't sound like a responsible adult, but if you eat food it's likely that it comes from his pocket. This means that if you decide to somehow get rid of him, you'll have to grow up really really fast. This may not even be an option for you depending on where you live. Recognize the reality of your relationship, you are the dependent, he's the provider. You need him, at least for now.

That said, you can still gain leverage by finding a way to make money. When you make your own money, this changes the relationship to one of equals. You get more of a say in different things, because if push comes to shove, you can provide for yourself. Money will give you a concrete reason to stand up to your father, and protect you from some of the consequences of your actions. If you succeed, be careful, your dad might try to take advantage of your income. This is why my first solution for you was to talk to him, because once you have a better relationship, he's likely to be supportive of you instead of working against you.

Try to avoid unnecessary conflict. This is because, if he makes a wrong move, he's in jail and you're in foster care. This is not desirable, as it is a situation that you can predict or control, as opposed to your current situation, which you know well and can improve. On the other hand, if you make the wrong move, you could be out on the streets because of something as stupid as a comeback. Look around where you live (or around a college campus) for housing and ask for the price. That's the amount of money you need to save up, just in case, so that in case you get fed up with him, you actually have a plan.

Now, maybe you can't own an apartment at 13, but at 16/17, you can network with someone in college. That college person could be able to own an apartment, so you should take advantage of that. College kids are almost always looking for accommodation, and as a bonus they can pay for half the apartment's price.

Learn to interact with and make mutually beneficial transactions with other people. To this end, you need to learn some social skills. This will make it so that you can make friends with other people, and give you a choice of who you surround yourself with. One way to learn how to do this is reading the book "How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie". Practice talking to people whenever you can, and make an effort to be in unfamiliar social situations at school. Make friends with girls and boys, this has it's advantages.

Finally, I think you need to reduce your dad's influence over your life. You don't have to do this overnight, if fact that might be counter-intuitive. Take your time. One way to do this is to suggest simple things to your dad, like allowing you to go out on certain days for running, escorting him to the store to buy groceries, asking him to teach you how to drive and then do what you said you were going to do. This builds trust, and slowly establishes the idea that you can take care of yourself in his head. If it works, very soon, you'll be going out to the store on your own, then staying out one day, then staying over someone's house for the weekend and so on. If it doesn't, give him time, and then find something smaller than what you asked for initially and do that, or talk more to him and make him more of your friend.

The idea behind it is that you're making progress towards a goal: Independence. However, understand that you have time, till you're 18 and that slow progress is okay. Talk to a counselor about this if there is one at school and don't slack on your studies. You could win a scholarship, leading to you achieving more of your independence earlier. Everything is a game, play this to your advantage and find a way to channel your anger towards your father. This could be through writing song lyrics, boxing, going to the gym, drawing or any other hobby. You need an outlet because your emotions also matter, and you can't focus on logic alone.

Don't give up on him just yet, as you grow, you will understand where he's coming from. Right now, it may seem like he doesn't matter, which makes sense because you're a child, and as a child, you shouldn't be responsible for an adult but it's the hand you were dealt, man. Also reduce social media usage, you know you're susceptible to peer pressure, so you need to keep it as minimal as possible. All the best, man.

bipbiplachuga · 2021-04-01T04:13:59+00:00

There is nothing more attractive to me than a guy with goals, ambition, and hobbies (aka having a nice active life). Maybe work on that?

Title	I need serious help
Author	mememan45761
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	April 1, 2021 1:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mhl1op/i_need_serious_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-need-serious-help.1511947 https://theredarchive.com/post/1511947

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