This may be all in my head or it may be all in reality, but I think I am becoming a giant douchebag. Although I can hold conversations properly and talk to whoever normally, I do do and say some pretty obnoxious/dickish things. I feel like I do it to get people's attention and when people give me their attention, I keep going because I have their attention. Let me get something straight tho: I don't do it to hurt people, I do it for shits and giggles but I feel like some people may take me more seriously than I actually am. When I am playing the narcissistic dick role, people are smiling and laughing but I know that's not always the case with how they feel on the inside.

I also feel like people can see right through me. I'm naturally a funny/friendly guy but sometimes I feel like I'm using my humour as a defense mechanism and I'm a dick to keep people away from the real me. I don't know how to explain it other than that but I really really wanna get away from this. I want to be funny but I don't want to be a dancing-monkey or a class-clown. Lately when I've noticed I've pissed someone off or if I'm feeling guilty about pissing someone off, I remind myself I'm awesome and tell myself that they're easily butthurt and that I don't give a fuck. I know that some people may consider this 'good innergame' because I don't give a fuck but sometimes I can't tell if I truly feel like that or if it's a defense mechanism so my ego doesn't feel like shit.

I don't know anymore. Main things I wanna work on and need some serious insight on is: toning down the dickish behaviour so I've got a warm-presence instead of this troll-presence and not being so funny all the time or being funny without being attention-seeking.