I am stuck in a vortex of approach anxiety and bad thinking patterns and it's causing my self esteem to take a hit.

Let me explain, so I've been on this sub reddit for like a year now and I still hAvent had any improvements game wise. It's my inconsistencies I have talked to 2 girls, and one group of 5 girls and they have all been bad. So it's like I talk to girls and try gaming but it goes bad im upset but than I'm satisfied I actually did it, until I want to do it again but than I can't do it because I'm a pussy and just fucking hate myself for it.

This year has been an all time high for me, I got a car, I got a job, I'm about to start a business, I'm running long distance, I'm lifting getting stronger, I should be feeling awesome ( I am most of the time) until I go to school and see the girls I like and watch them get gamed by some fucking douche bag ( I'm not just assuming, this dude is a major fucking dick I've talked to him, the entitled and thinking their the shit and everyone is shit kind), it fucking hurts and it's been like this forever.

I've never been get with the opposite gender ever. I've had times when I'm super confident but it's not consistent, if I've learned anything from self improvement and life in general is that it's all about consistency. This shit keeps me up at night sometimes, I'm just laying there thinking about what I'm going to say to this girl to take her on a date.

I try to throw this to the side that doesn't work, your supposed to deal with your problems head on right. Ok so I try and go to the mall on Saturdays only to be a pussy and not do it coming home dissapointed. It's Sunday morning and I'm like I'm do it tomorow I feel it. Do I? No. I come back home and disappointed and than forget about it only for it to happen again and again and again. Shit.

Ok I'm at school I'm feeling good but fuck, this girl I like is being macked by some dude, fuck whatever I don't give a fuck, fuck bitches get money right? But later I feel it man and it fucking sucks it's regret. I don't know how to stop I feel stuck, the longer I wait seems like thevery harder it is to get out.

Idk what do you guys think, have any of you been this much of a ducking pussy or is it just me? Idk I guess I'm posting this cause I don't know what to do. I'm tired of posting shit on this sub it's time to start doing but I've been saying that for a year now FUCK.

Sorry if this comes across as a rant idk actually I'm not. I'm thinking of just going on a rampage and macking at every single girl at the school before the year ends June 1 but I'm way to much of a pussy to do it. But fuck I want to do it so bad probably the most I've ever wanted something.

I'm a Jr in HS 16 yo male.