I'm having problems with vulnerability.

Kitt_55 · 2017-12-23T19:01:45+00:00

There is a difference between making someone like you and generating attraction. The majority of men focus more on ensuring that a woman approves of them, rather than risking becoming vulnerable by honestly expressing themselves. Unapologetic honest expression of one’s true self is at the core of what generates attraction. Thus by playing not to lose and to protect your ego, you are inevitably destined to lose. You need to be unapologetic about who you are as a person. It is OK and normal that not everyone will like you. When first approaching a woman, your intentions should be clear from the start. These intentions should simply be: “I want to get to know you.”

Many men are ashamed and apologetic about the natural and normal attraction they have for women, and thus are not secure with their masculinity. Being sheepish or apologetic about your actions communicates to a woman that you feel that you are not good enough for her and that you are seeking her approval. However, being apologetic should not be confused with being empathetic. You should always be aware of other people’s emotions and how you are making them feel. By being unapologetic, I mean that you should have personal integrity, be self-secure and not afraid of upsetting someone as a result of being honest about your beliefs and desires. This does not mean that you should lack empathy and be oblivious and callous to how others feel. Nor does it mean that you should not apologize upon making an honest mistake.

Showing empathy is actually an extremely powerful tool for building comfort with a woman. Showing empathy conveys to a woman that you are not a sociopath and that you are attuned to how she feels. When you see that you are making a woman uncomfortable, it is fine to apologize for the action that led to the discomfort. I actually recommend it. This shows to the woman that you are both attentive and respectful to her. This empathetic apology is different than being apologetic because you are ashamed of who you are as a person, or being apologetic over an honest statement from which a woman drew offence.

As a general rule, a woman’s opinion of you will be heavily formed within your initial interactions together. After this point, it may take a lot of backtracking to be able to establish a more intimate relationship if she has already classified you as being unworthy of one. Try first asking a woman out on a date, and then getting to know her. This will establish the correct relationship frame right from the start, before you really get to know her and potentially develop deeper feelings. If you are deeply emotionally invested, before you even begin generating attraction with a woman, it will become harder to remain outcome independent.

Failure to confidently show interest, intent or escalate to a physical relationship with a woman will likely get you cast into the so called “friend zone.” As soon as a woman shows some interest in you, show an appropriate amount of interest back. However, do so while not breaking any of the previous rules! It is also important to show a woman that she has earned your interest by something she has said or done, not simply because of her looks. Women want to know why you like them, and most do not want it only to be because of their physical appearance. Find something about the woman that you honestly admire and compliment her on that. This way your complement will be genuine. If you cannot find anything admirable about a woman — even after spending an extended amount of time with her — then she probably isn’t the one for you.

In addition to the eight rules listed above, an additional important element of attraction is “relatability.” Even if a woman feels massive amounts of attraction towards you, she may dismiss it if she does not find you relatable. When it comes to attracting women, the issue of relatability often appears at both ends of the learning curve. In the beginning, not being relatable will result in the failure to establish rapport or an emotional connection. In the end, after developing all the attractive traits and behaviors described thus far, you may have lost your relatability in the process.

You may have ended up crossing the entire identity spectrum and arrived on the other extreme. A woman may now view you as being so amazing that it is outside of her reality that you could ever desire or appreciate her. If a woman feels that you cannot relate to her, she may feel that you could never truly understand her. She may keep her guard up and prevent an emotional connection from forming. She may feel that the intimate act of opening herself up to you may be met by a wall of indifference.

You must show a woman that you understand and can relate to her on a personal level. The best way of becoming relatable is by being comfortable with showing your own vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable does not mean being weak or soft, but rather that you are strong enough to deal with the repercussions that may result from exposing your true self. There is no need for trying to always appear perfect. Women do not want to be with a man who is perfect. A woman does not want to feel that she can never relax or show any imperfections around you. Women don’t care that you have flaws, only that you accept and don’t try to hide them. Attractive women in particular are faced with a constant pressure to always appear perfect. Showing a woman that you will not judge her for being her true self around you is one of the greatest gifts that you can give her. -Excerpt from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight

2017-12-23T18:54:49+00:00

You are on another level, already. If you are questioning if you're being genuine, then you are probably detecting something that you're consciously blocking. This is called "cognitive dissonance." Most people aren't even able to get to that point. That's what educating yourself does, you begin to see the errors in yourself. I'm just struggling to figure out what you are hoping to achieve though.

breakingtree · 2017-12-23T19:31:16+00:00

Outcome independence. If you wanna say something because you are impressed you did it, say it, just don't expect her (or him) to be impressed. This stuff is hard though, we are all full if shit sometimes. Take it easy Bro.

Title	I'm having problems with vulnerability.
Author	TheGroovyChili
Upvotes	15
Comments	5
Date	December 23, 2017 5:57 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7lpyyp/im_having_problems_with_vulnerability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-having-problems-with-vulnerability.1290210 https://theredarchive.com/post/1290210

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