So many posts have been written on the Seddit forums about Inner Game Vs. Outer Game and I wanted to take some time and clear up much of the confusion and hopefully shed some light on the two topics from the perspective of a professional dating coach.

We must understand that there is a symbiotic relationship between inner game and outer game. The relationship is that

Inner Game tends to dictate the QUALITY of girls that you get and Outer Game tends to dictate the QUANTITY of girls that you get.

When you have solid inner game you tend to attract more quality women who are secure in who they are. Outer game is all about what you actually do. If you have solid outer game and can escalate well then you can get girls and get lots of them, but if your inner game is weak then chances are that it will shine through and we all know it’s one thing to get a girl, it’s another thing to keep her. If your outer game is weak then all the inner game in the world won’t get you the girl.

Inner game like outer game can be summed up in one word… that word is value.

When I say the word value I mean the relative worth or importance of something. The value that you place on yourself would be the best definition of inner game. The value that others place on you has a lot to do with outer game. In outer game, women tend process their value compared to yours and this is the beginning stages of attraction. If you have value in her eyes then you will have an amount of attraction or allure to her. This doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you, it simply means she is interested in you because of your valuable traits.

Inner game pertains to the value that you place on yourself. If you value yourself you wouldn’t allow other people to walk all over you and take advantage of you. Often times a guy with very little inner game will take things personally and have their nights be ruined by one bad event. A strong inner game allows you to get the quality girls who have more going for them then just looks. Since women find confidence sexy a strong inner game will help your attraction but it will not get the girl alone.

Outer game is developed by going out. You MUST go out and be willing to try new things. As you do this you will have successes and failures. Your success will bring you small boosts of confidence and help your inner game; this is the symbiotic relationship that exists between the two. Inner game is developed by time and experience. You must gain experiences with the type of women you want to grow your inner game. Sitting in front of a mirror or listening to hypnotic suggestions on your ipod will not make you confident. Confidence comes from self awareness and experience not from hypnosis.

So what is more important, inner game or outer?

The answer is neither. They are both important and if you start with going out and meeting people (outer game) then you will find that with time and experience your inner game starts to grow. Spend time learning about self confidence but don’t let it consume you. There are some amazing books out there and amazing seminars that will help you with the tools to lasting confidence but coaches like me can give you the tools, it is up to you to use them.

All the best, Mayson http://www.nsscoaching.com/blog