Is there anything specific I should do when I'm certain she's seeing other dudes?

EricDisco · 2012-09-25T14:13:54+00:00

One of my basic assumptions of relationships is this:

Until we're exclusive I assume she's seeing two other guys who have less game than I do.

This assumption is important because when I start to get jealous or wonder whether she's dating other guys, it doesn't bother me because I already assume she is. The second part to this is important as well. I assume I have a lot better game than them (and I probably do). This means that I don't need to be jealous, but I do need to stay at the top of my game or else one of the other guys will win her over.

Since you are not exclusive with this girl, I would definitely not talk about these other guys. I would mess with her more. Fuck with her. Tease her. Disqualify yourself. Etc. Game her hard.

I would definitely NOT "address it." That gives her the upper hand. She may try to use it to get you to be exclusive. Even if you wanted to be exclusive with her, this is a bad way to go about it. She may use it to get you to admit you want to be exclusive, then tell you she doesn't want to be exclusive. You're really just putting all the power in her hands. When it comes to relationships, it's usually better if the guy stays in control.

You should really consider the fact that she flaked more of a red flag than the fact that she's seeing other guys. It's good that you found out it was to see another guy because you realize that she needs to be punished for such behavior. And by punished I mean that you should take something away from her.

When a girl flakes on you, she's communicating to you that you're not a priority to her. Often this communication comes along with other indicators that she's pulling away as well. That's your cue to pull away even harder.

One option here is to do something like this. Set up a date with her. Meet up with her. Be all charming and friendly. Flirt with her a lot. Connect with her a lot. And then, halfway through the date... take it away. Get quiet, bored and listless. Stop giving her very much eye contact at all. Stop putting any energy into the interaction. An important aspect of this is that you still be flirty with the bartenders and waiters and every other person around. But don't give any more to her.

There are a number of other things you can do to turn the tide back in your favor. I list them here. Most of them involve pulling away in some way so she realizes you're pulling away. You're sending her a very honest message about what's going on. When you do this, she starts to turn her attention toward you and away from those other guys. She learns what type of behavior is acceptable and unacceptable to you. And she starts to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

puaCurveBall · 2012-09-25T16:51:32+00:00

I think the bigger deal is her hiding it and the whole "her testing you" and "push buttons".

While I agree with Eric on the mindset, I think directly addressing your emotional attachment and what you want out of things is the best route.

Now, I come from a poly background, where figuring out what you want out of a relationship and then defining that pretty explicitly is the norm, rather than "fuzzy" concepts of exclusivity or "casual / non-casual" exists.

Don't bring it up because of other guys, but I would just let her know you've noticed things are "off", and you want to find out why. Flaking to go on a date with another guy is not acceptable behavior imho

If you are emotionally attached, that is totally fine, however you need to be ready for ending things or accepting that she might not be as into it as you are. I'd figure out what type of security you are looking for (perhaps it is just having more transparency with who else she is dating, and her emotions / feelings towards them), and then ask her for it. If she won't meet you half way, you don't have a very healthy relationship, and should consider ending it.

Title	Is there anything specific I should do when I'm certain she's seeing other dudes?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	September 25, 2012 12:43 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/10g3im/is_there_anything_specific_i_should_do_when_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-there-anything-specific-i-should-do-when-im.1340075 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340075

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