Hey Seddit,

I'm a 30+ year old AFC just out of a 12+ year relationship back in the dating world.

Long story short I took some time off to just focus on myself and recover from the relationship and try to find myself, during this time I was not actively looking for a relationship, or hookup or even approaching basically just going out, making a fool out of myself and meeting new people.

Sometime last year I accidentally met a woman, after a couple of unofficial dates, just chatting over drinks and one time we had breakfast we got to know each other pretty well, I got her number and I was pretty stoked about the whole thing. I just wasn't ready yet for anything so I never actively pursued her.

Months passed and just when I was busy about something else and got her off my mind, she occasionally texted me and discreetly asked to hang out, we saw each other a few times at certain gatherings but didn't have a chance to interact beyond a hug and a few words. And again I never pursued anything further, I felt I was not ready yet.

That was until last week when I finally decided I was going to ask her out, now I was not expecting anything really, just wanted to get this over with because I really didn't know if she was into me or not.

Turns out she said that she would go out with me and that she thinks I'm cool...now this is where my brain went full AFC mode: woah that was really unexpected a girl I'm into thinks I'M cool! and she will go out with me? my brain just couldn't believe it.

The excitement didn't last long though, she also told me she's already dating some other guy, that she recently started seeing...I can't blame her as I was expecting that after a few months of her giving me so many signals (the worst being the one time where we were on a taxi to see a mutual friend in a club and she suddenly changed her mind because she wasn't feeling very good and that we should stop over at her place, once we got there she got out and I stayed in the taxi and said good bye to her...yeah, you should have seen the look on her face...somebody kill me NOW!!!) she probably thought I was either stupid, gay or just not interested in her.

Anyway now I can't stop thinking about this woman and idealizing her and putting her on a pedestal and imagining a future together and what not, and I don't know what to do, I definitely don't think this is healthy, I'm also very new to the exclusive/non exclusive dating thing, I'm certainly not a player and the whole abundance-mentality thing is something that as much as I try to believe I just feel it's not applicable to me (short (5'5), overweight, small dick (4 inches on a good day), black, ugly, etc...)... anyway I know the answer to one-itis is an easy one....approach,approach,approach but really I never even wanted to approach or to meet women anyway, this was all an accident, it wasn't meant to happen...I was not ready yet to go back into the dating world and now I feel like I got dragged into this whole thing.

What can I do seddit, is this one-itis? And what should I do to not screw this up any more? I need to either fuck this girl or get her off of my head, because she's driving me insane.