[LF Adivse/discussion] A different version of friendzone? What is this? How to deal with it?

mamapop · 2017-01-10T15:31:26+00:00

Sounds like at the moment she was talking to you she was bored with her other boys. Figured why not, so she decided to meet you. If you didn't escalate quickly or show her your sexual interest she got bored quickly. Sounds like you picked up on the fact that she wasn't happy and instead of fucking her you "boyfriended" her and she didn't like that because she's not into that kind of thing right now. This is all speculation obviously but if this is the way you acted, I'm not surprised at all. This isn't a different kind of friend zone... it is the friend zone. But your lack sexual interest and her craziness turned you from hero to 0 in one date. Next.

MachinistBob · 2017-01-10T15:32:40+00:00

Run. Like the wind. Run, and keep running some more. She's looking to trade up, and you're not the one. If you were, she would be having the 'no time' convo with one of the other two.

Xanarxses · 2017-01-10T16:04:20+00:00

She's getting ready for a 3rd dude on her maybe?

But hey I'm pretty stoned right now. So maybe I'm just being what I am. A stoned dude.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-01-10T16:31:03+00:00

Some time ago i met a pretty great looking girl via Tinder.

How long ago? Hint: if it was longer than a month, then you're almost certainly in the friendzone.

Actually felt almost like a suprise to me since my Tinderprofile is definitly not worth alot, doesn't have any professional pics and i am as a person am overall pretty 'different to the standard'. (Long as hell hair as a guy, bio which actually goes deep into characteristics and not traveling, hobbys and other shit and so on)

Some stuff to unpack here.

Doesn't matter if you have "professional pics." You need a good head/face shot, a full shot of your body, and pics that show your personality in some way (maybe hanging with friends or doing something you like doing). And they need to be CLEAR. You're putting too much pressure on yourself if you've convinced yourself that you need glamour shots or some BS like that.
Different to the "standard," or whatever that means..... what the hell does this matter? Everyone is different. Showing that merely means that you'll screen people out who aren't into that. There will always be a segment of all girls who will be down and a segment who won't be.
You don't need a bio that says anything. You don't need flowing poetry or whatever. It's a VISUAL medium designed to let people see other people that they might want to meet. Your primary pic is more important than what your bio says.

even going as far as trying out crazy as fuck stuff on Tinder. In that case i had something in my bio about 'Ah well, don't we just all want to screw but aren't honest with ourselves enough to admit it? Why not be like this?'.

No. This might seem like a good idea. Grabbing the bull by the horns. But what you're doing here is basically awkwardly admitting that you don't know how to navigate the niceties that people navigate in order to get through to get to sex. Things like innuendo exist for valid and helpful reasons, not simply to confuse people. It actually helps people avoid a lot of awkwardness.

The issue isn't that people need to admit they want sex. It's that you are still working on how to develop your sense of awareness about when someone's up for sex, and your sense of how to navigate the dating process to get to sex. You're going through a very natural progression right now. A lot of guys end up spinning their wheels in various ways, often getting stuck investing in girls that are dead-ends in terms of being dating prospects.

She reacted somewhat nicely and i got her number after only a few messages...

This was a red flag. You were signalling an inability to navigate the dating process in a savvy way with your comment about wishing that people would just "admit they want sex." She responded nicely and such, which showed that she was equally un-savvy, or that she was attracted to you as someone she could manipulate.

As it turned out she actually responded especially to the dynamic of being pretty open about sexual stuff. She is super-hard into BDSM and loves being submissiv.......she actually decided to be going wild.....

Yeah, no. The following stuff ain't wild.

....felt more like 2 friends going out instead of actually something sparking.....

She was super in her head.....

Towards the end she...... talked a bit about the guys she is currently more or less together with.

She does not have time for me by her own statements. She is seeing 2 different guys right now which are not me.

She is not interested to any major degree.

Weird thing is... we are actually writing to each other on a daily basis, she responds decently well to all stuff and puts her fair share of interest in into it.

It actually reminds me a little of the dynamic of being in the friendzone, but it seems to be a rather different case with similarities in it.

No. There is nothing "rather different" about this a ALL. This is textbook friendzone. And worse, she's manipulating you and stringing you out. She's not available in any meaningful way, not even as a friend, but she keeps demanding all that attention and investment.

I came here and i am learning so i am not going to be needy enough to put up with bs which leads to nowhere.

You mean like THIS situation you've been typing about?

If i won't get her, then whatever i will find someone better.

Being friends wouldn't be a bad thing, if she was capable of being friends. Which she doesn't appear to be.

Thing is though... her not actually pushing me away despite me showing clear interest and getting decent responses from her are giving me the feeling there MIGHT be something that can be done.

Dude, no. She friendzoned you hard. I'll quote you back to yourself again.

She does not have time for me by her own statements. She is seeing 2 different guys right now which are not me.

She is not interested to any major degree.

She places you so low on her list of priorities that she would rather see TWO other guys who aren't you, and doesn't even want to set aside time for you AS A FRIEND. She literally said that. What to do? Take care of yourself. Phase her out.

Title	[LF Adivse/discussion] A different version of friendzone? What is this? How to deal with it?
Author	Seyden
Upvotes	1
Comments	16
Date	January 10, 2017 3:25 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5n5lt2/lf_adivsediscussion_a_different_version_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lf-adivsediscussion-a-different-version-of.1304855 https://theredarchive.com/post/1304855

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