First off: throwaway

I've been following seduction and TRP for almost a year now, but my low self esteem and self loathing was too much for me to take action. This weekend on st patty's day I went clubbing and ended the night with almost nothing.

I went home and felt bad. Like, really really bad. It was even worse than when I started to up my "game". Ended up breaking my one week streak of No-fap. While drinking alone.

I was cleaning myself and I felt disgusting. I started No-fap as a general life improving thing, but after that night. I told myself. In a fucking dead serious tone, that I will NEVER blow my load alone again. I realized that if I never got laid, I had a back up. It's my hand, so now I'm eliminating that option. It's been 2 really hard days since, because I'm fighting my inner desire. But I won't fall again. I promised my self and this is taking out all my energy. I realize I have a problem and I'm going to deal with it because I'm not a little bitch. I'm going to strive to be better everyday and I'll always remember this post as what started it all. Thank you for reading this rant and wish this 18 year old luck in this unexplored territory.