So, I went to the club last Friday, but did not have the time to write down my experiences until now. There wasn’t much to remember anyways.

Funnily enough I spent the most time playing pool of any of my nights, yet made the most progress (I should really stop playing so much and approach more, but it gets me in the mood). Anyways while I was playing I see this girl that reminded me a ton of a girl I knew. About 20 minutes later I walked up to her and told her “I just saw you, and wanted to tell you something because it’s going to bother me all night. You look EXACTLY like the girl I took to prom.” (truth). She had a huge smile on her face and suggested we take a picture together. After the picture I went back to my game and she went to dancing. Maybe about a half hour later I’m still playing (yeah I know…) and she walks up to me and gives me a hug. I asked if she was leaving and she said yeah. I start thinking aloud and say “Should I get your number… yes, yes I should”. Aaand she gave it to me. First number ever from a club! I texted her the next day, she didn’t reply until 3 days later, and we made some jokes like we went to prom together, it was fun. She agreed that we should meet up but when I asked “Well it just so happens I’m free Thursday, have you heard of xxxx?” She just stopped replying. Probably the most frustrating thing ever with women, no feedback whatsoever, except them making me a non-person.

Anyways, after the girl above had given me her number I started going around the club. Near the end of the bar I saw this decently attractive girl by herself, she looked very quiet. I walk up to her and go “YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN”. She smiled and said sometimes actually bouncers have carried her out. We chatted a little and it somehow quickly got to talking about sex. Oh it was so frustrating. First she made it abundantly clear that she had a boyfriend of 4 years and that she wouldn’t even dance with me, but here’s a snippet of conversation:

Her: I’m more like a guy, I just love sex. (I forget what else she said after that, but I heard the word sex maybe 4 times) and “I can’t dance with a guy it makes me too horny”

Me: Ohhhh you are making it so hard (she knew what I meant, as in me having to walk away to find a willing dance partner)

Her: I bet I am

Oh it killed me. Again, she made it abundantly clear she was in a 4 year relationship and that nothing was going to happen, but was saying shit like that. She was either an attention whore or wanted me to be a man, be more assertive, and push dancing/sex/go for makeout or whatever, and give her some fun outside of her boring 4-year relationship. Still not enough reference experience to tell the difference. I still tell myself and the girls I give a shit if they have a boyfriend, but in reality I don’t think I do. I more than likely use it as a convenient excuse so I don’t have to keep pursuing them and face rejection.

I also am realizing three more things. One is that I was able to have fun, 30-second conversations with random people all the time. I’m getting better at that.

Another is that I need to go out more, from friday and saturday to maybe 3 or 4 nights a week, if I wish to truly improve.

And last is the realization that I might be afraid of success and the expectations for myself that come with it.