In high school and university I used to have close guy friends, but after that I didn't. Interestingly the relationship with the girl I dated in uni went a lot better than my last one.

When I was dating my last girlfriend, I was in a phase of my life where I had no close guy friends. I had drifted away from them. Anytime I had a problem or needed someone to talk to, I would turn to my ex. This placed too much pressure on her.

I now realize that is why the relationship failed. A big part of making a relationship work is to have close guy friends to turn to for emotional support. At least for me anyway.

I was once watching a speech by an anthropologist, who said back in the day when people lived in villages and tribes, the men would all stick together and support each other through difficult times. A guy would have his male friends and wife for emotional support.

But in today's society where people are more disconnected and lonely, a lot of guys tend to only rely on their female partner. And the speaker said he thought this was one reason marriages struggle these days, because the wife has to fill in the role of wife and close guy friends. Whereas back in the day she just had to fill the role of wife.

There is the common idea in our society of a 'soul mate', as in one partner who sticks with you through everything and 'magically solves all your problems'. But is that true, or is it just a myth?

Maybe it's not about finding a 'soul mate'. Maybe we should be building a 'soul tribe', as in a group of people who can help us with our problems. Maybe it's about trying to have a few close guy friends and a female partner to depend on, rather than just a female partner.

One my goals these last few months has been finding and making reliable guy friends, and rebuilding the friendship with old guy friends who still live near me. Having a crew of supportive guy friends will make me more 'complete' than depending only on a girl can. Then when I get into a relationship, I won't repeat the mistake I made last time.

These are just thoughts I've been having, so feel free to ignore it if it doesn't match your personal experience.