This may be bit long and mind dump, but please hear me out.

It had started like 2 years ago (both sophomore), we didn't really have classes together, but we got merged one time, and I had never noticed much this girl in school, talked a bit in a group and that was it. Thought nothing of it and that was all.

Fast forward couple months I really started to noticed this girl more (on hallways, at the lockers), and developed a crush on her, don't know why, found her super cute.I wanted to talk to her and ask her out or something but I usually couldn't because she was with her friends all the time. Then one time I was alone with her in the lockers, talked to her, some small talk and stuff going great, she had to go, so I told her we should go out and got her number. Then I text her so I to confirm, and she messages that she really doesn't want to go out with me.

Okay, got rejected, was quite sad for some time (this was like the second time I asked somebody out and never had a date), then I started going out for a bit, and that made me feel better, still thought about her sometime, cause I still found her super cute, but nothing too serious.

Fast forward like a year (and year ago from now), we are going for a week-long school trip, and she is there too, thats when I became really fucked up, I though about her, got again massive crush on her, something really did that for me, that I got to see her for a week everyday. We didn't really talk, because our circles didn't overlap and everybody mostly talked with their group of friends.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I had a chance to ask her out again, it was quite fast awkward conversation (we were packing up), I maybe thought, that even if I get rejected again, I now know there isn't a chance and won't think about it,and yeah she said she doesn't want to disappoint me again (take that as no).

But from that point on, I could not stop thinking about her, I still though I maybe could get her one day. But weird thing is I never got the chance to know her (maybe it would be better if I knew her a bit), so I am just idolizing (and I knew that). I though about her a lot, symptoms of oneitis, it just fucked me up mentally. Things like everytime I see her in school I get this weird feeling inside of me, and start thinking about her, just sigh and find her cute, but still don't know much about her. I just dug myself into a really deep hole.

Currently I am focusing on getting into an uni, and I am hoping that since we won't see each other anymore, I will just gradually get her out of my system. Last time I am going to see her is at a party on the weekend, don't know how I should proceed, but will probably try to enjoy myself and not try to force anything.

Thanks for reading, can you guys give me some thoughts on this situation, I am just clueless and its driving me crazy, any tips and help would be appreciated.