Need some more help guys..

recyclablebanthas · 2017-06-27T03:54:32+00:00

___1___

So first of all, I believe with both of these situations I have been more straightforward.

Yep.

The whole point with dating apps, is to set up a meet. It usually serves one well if one can have something of an exchange without being a douche or dropping a dick pic. A lot of women I know complain that guys either beat around the bush for WEEKS without asking them out, or they get creepy fast.

You're doing well on this count. You're getting to the point, making a little conversation, not being creepy, etc.

___2___

....I've become more focused on my life and have asked myself questions like: "What can this relationship do for me?"

It's good to be looking at what your values and needs are, as you pursue interactions with people.

___3___

Anyway, with the first girl; my opening comment was: "Hello _______, I like your tattoos!" w/ a thumbs up emoji. Not sure why I included the emoji, just felt the need to. For the first couple days, she didn't respond. After those few days is when I asked the question about grabbing coffee, then the rest of the conversation plays out. But she never got back to me about going to get coffee that Sunday. I'm sure she was busy or something came up but I'm wondering if it was maybe I said?

Couple things:

Nothing you said was a great sin. Of course, there might have been a way to make some sort of impression, but realize that you're dealing with a medium where you can't see the other person. There is no guaranteed way to make a good impression when all you have is pictures and text on a page. You're not connecting. You're advertising and no advertising campaign has a 100% return.
Stop obsessing and second guessing. It's always going to be a numbers game with dating apps.
If she doesn't respond, delete and move on. No big loss. As exciting an impression as you might get from someone's profile, pics and words on a page, realize that it's just marketing at that point. You have no clue what the person is like in real life so there's no reason to get too wrapped up in it. It's like throwing darts blind.

___4___

Now for the second girl, the conversation is pretty self explanatory but I felt like maybe I moved a little too fast on asking her to go out without building some rapport.

Building rapport? What are you talking about? ALL the dating apps are like a glorified Hot or Not app. You're not connecting. You're window shopping. And so's she. Except in her case, she's also dealing with a flooded inbox in many cases.

What happened with those girls is that it just didn't work out and there are so many reasons unrelated to you, as to why it didn't work. Maybe they met a dude in real life. Maybe they're busy with another dude they had a date set up with before you. Maybe work got busy. Maybe life happened. You're obsessing over your role in this, when your role is such a SMALL percentage of what goes into this.

Your problem here is that you're applying concepts that apply to real life interactions, to a situation where you aren't face to face. This is really harsh to be doing to yourself. Cut yourself a break, man. You don't have any way to "build rapport." Not real rapport. You do that in person.

What you're doing with dating apps, is putting yourself out there and setting up meets, where you then have the chance to make an impression.

pillowpwner · 2017-06-27T23:46:39+00:00

You bring up some good points! You're right it is really hard not to get obsessed over it and at the same time I haven't even met the girl. This is a perspective I'm still trying to grasp, especially when the girl is absolutely gorgeous. Ever since I've started NoFap, this has slowly been getting better and I've been keeping my cool over how attractive a girl is and maintain my expectations while doing what's best for me. For all I know the girl could be completely self centered (or something else) and not best for a relationship.

And your last point is very encouraging. Things used to be a lot worse to the point where I'd blame myself for any worst case scenario but I don't always look at the big picture and understand that there are other factors. And I honestly never realized you couldn't build rapport over text! This makes a lot more sense, I think I would even occasionally confuse rapport with good impressions but now I understand how this can only be done in real life.

Thanks again for your input man, this has been a great help and I will consider these points in the future.

Title	Need some more help guys..
Author	pillowpwner
Upvotes	1
Comments	2
Date	June 26, 2017 8:10 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6jnmji/need_some_more_help_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-some-more-help-guys.1309339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1309339

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