Neediness is not this terrible thing that makes you less attractive to women. Need-i-ness means that you need one another. You are shifting from the fact that you were once independent and sovereign as an individual, into a more interdependent state which we call as a relationship.

We have all kinds of different relationships which reflects the level of obligation we have towards one another. Where most men trip up is in the vesting of their commitment. They either commit too fast or too slowly. When you commit too fast, this is the classic needy guy story. If you commit too slowly, the girl will feel unsafe with you and she will be the one who is needy for you.

To begineers, girls being needy for you sounds fantastic. But how fantatsic it really seems to be is when you start to realize that once survival and needs starts overlapping, and you two become more reliant on each other, the once romantic story becomes the word "responsibility", "obligation" and "sacrifice."

You cannot have the benefits of being in a relationship while rejecting the responsibilities of having one. It is not sustainable, and it doesnt work. Neediness is the resulting symptom that forces the dynamic to self correct. When it does, it calls for sacrifice.

Of course, if the other side is non-cooperative, we will occassionally have to use the boundary and the leverage to remind them of their ego so that they become cooperative again. But if both sides are cooperative, and you use these tactics, this will be a disaster for your love story.

The balance between self reliance and neediness is one that needs to be constantly managed. Sometimes you or your girlfriend might be in a difficult spot, and the situation becomes asymetrical for awhile. But this is the investment we make into maintaining a relationship and it reflects the trust you both have in one another.

If you struggle to rely on others to fulfill on your needs, consider becoming more needy. Yes, you will get hurt and it is okay. No need to wear your 3 inch armor plates everywhere, life is very burdensome this way and I am sure you know it.

If you struggle to be self sufficient, consider developing your own competence to meet some of your own needs to relieve the burden off other people. It boosts your self esteem and confidence, and you wont have to feel like a victim all the time.

There is only a problem when neediness or independence becomes a pathology in one or both people. If both individuals can strike the balance between needs and self sufficiency, the outcome is that of a stable and happy relationship (of any kind).

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.