Why Women Hate Nice Guys - An In-Depth Explanation On Why You Lose Out

Lacunaethra · 2025-05-21T07:34:31+00:00

Part of this kind of niceness is also men who don't stand up for themselves. In order to avoid conflict they put up with horrible behavior.

ballfond · 2025-05-21T07:27:01+00:00

It also feels like niceness makes situation awkward and heavy as they compelled to behave same way to you too and would rather not reveal their freakiness to not be judged

Bad guys don't judge each other they just enjoy

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-05-21T07:58:01+00:00

Inauthentic is probably a good word. You can be nice and authentic. It's normal to disagree on things, to try to find common ground and to show your personality. You can be a gentleman if it's part of your core identity and how you were raised.

Brutal_De1uxe · 2025-05-21T07:18:15+00:00

TL:DR be a good man not a "nice guy" and certainly not a "bad boy"

amlextex · 2025-05-21T07:52:11+00:00

An authentic person doesn't care to be polarizing, nice, mean, attractive. Most people are not living fully authentic. This goes deeper than merely a one-night stand. Being authentic means never needing sexual validation. It means living in your own world, and allowing people to enter and leave when they want.

You're giving good base level advice, but there's holes in it when you go deeper into what authenticity means.

BrainEuphoria · 2025-05-21T08:55:59+00:00

Some people are just legit nice, and it’s okay or not okay for girls to do what they want with that, wether it is to be repulsed by that behavior, to take advantage of the situation as either the guy or the girl could take advantage of it, or to find comfort in such behavior knowing that they are not a threat and all.

Different-Ad8187 · 2025-05-21T10:59:46+00:00

I'm nice, I can't help it. I never want to do harm or cause pain to someone else. Of course I have outcomes I try to influence to happen over others, but I'm usually pretty direct about that.

I never try to influence someone to do what they don't want to do, especially sex. I had someone tell me they wanted to stop our physical relationship for a while because they were dealing with trauma, I said "take as much time as you need to heal."

I just want to stop feeling lonely, I want someone in my life. I want to wake up to someone I care about, someone I can cook for, grow with and take on adventures across the world. I had to leave my family when I was 11 years old and I've experienced poverty, homelessness and trauma and it feels that people that haven't been exposed to that level of trauma take advantage of my pain, or see how wounded I am and leave.

I try to set boundaries, but I still get walked over and gaslit a lot, I've encountered so many avoidant attachment styles in women I've tried to date that it's really hard for me not to paint most women with that brush.

Especially when half my relationships are by women asking me out and telling me they want a relationship with me, I will double check "are you sure?" and then later they change their mind and never acknowledge the damage they are causing me as I re-live the abandonment over and over again.

I don't try to chase anyone, as soon as they say it's over I'll stop talking to them or be superficial friends if they really want as I suffer by myself.

I've been in therapy for years, but it hasn't changed my experience in dating. It just made my therapist sad, seeing me so hopeful and excited to show off my girlfriend and then the ends and the meaning and blame I try to find in those times.

RandomBlokeFromMars · 2025-05-23T03:13:48+00:00

the real reason is actually that

agreeableness is a sign you are not attractive and you compensate with it. super attractive people don't need to be nice because other people give them everything on a silver plate. like it or not, that is what it is.
agreeableness is a sign of a subordinate. an employee, a servant, etc, aka, NOT a leader.
most men think that if they value nice and well behaved women, it is the same the other way around. just like when women think if they value status and confidence, men do it also, so they became boss girls with an attitude problem and then they cope saying "men are afraid of our intelligence". so men who value nice girls they themselves become nice thinking they become attractive. but just like we dont give a crap about how much money a woman makes, they dont either about you being nice or not. they simply value other qualities.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-05-21T13:15:12+00:00

It's not about being good or bad, it's about creating tension or being bland. Those you refer to as "nice guys" are not neccesarilly nice or nicer than the so called "bad guys". Everyone belives in their own head they are nice or morally correct from their subjective point of view.

The so called nice guys just claim they are nice because they avoid conflcit at all costs, they avoid tension, they act like doormats, and then think that just because they do the bare minimum of not being an asshole or selfish that they should be rewarded with romance or sex. They are blander, safer, easier to ignore. They avoid conflict, avoid tension, avoid polarity, and then expects emotional and sexual rewards just for not being a jerk.

In their world, it goes like this:

"I am nice, i don't cheat, i don't ignore your texts, i put your needs above my needs which means i am so selfless, i prioritize you, so you should love me or desire me"

"He is not nice, he cheats, he lies, he ignores your texts, he only thinks of himself, he doesn't prioritize you because he always prioritizes himself, so you should not love him or desire him"

From a moral standpoint and a merti based system this could make sense. If the frame was "I am more qualified for the job of being a good boyfriend" then this logic makes sense. Unfortunately, dating is not about being qualified for the job of being a boyfriend". Attraction doesn’t respond to merit, fairness, or decency points. It responds to tension, stimulation, polarity, aliveness.

Just like most of you like attractive hot women and don't like unnatractive ugly women, even if the unnatractive ugly woman could actually be a better girlfriend than the hot one. The ugly one might not cheat, might be more loyal, might be submissive, more nice to you, better cooker,... But if she is unnatractive, you don't even look at her. Yoru atteniton is on the hot one, who could be worst girlfriend.

Because attraction isn't about morality, it's primal. Attraction is not earned, it's triggered. It's about whether you are emotionally, visually and physically stimulated by what you see, sense, feel and experience from the other person. Men are visually stimulated when they see nice pair of boobs, a hot body, a pretty face.

They can also be physically stimulated if the woman starts touching him provocatively to tease him and they can get emotionally stiulated if she sees the man underneath, and plays with his ego, his identity, his drive… if she challenges him, respects him, and makes him feel needed, wanted and admired. Women are the same.

The nice guys thinks: "If I just suppress everything I want, anticipate your needs, and never push back, then surely she’ll realize I’m worthy." That’s not love. That’s manipulation wrapped in fake selflessness. It’s a covert contract: “If I suffer for you, you owe me love.”

The so-called “bad guy” may be selfish, may be unreliable, but he often creates emotional spikes, mystery, challenge, sexual energy. And that impact, whether he’s a good man or not, stimulates desire.

The nice guy thinks, “But I would treat her better!” And maybe he would, though experience shows nice guys tend to have too many insecurities to really treat her better because behind the “I’d treat her better” claim is often a man who:

Overthinks everything she says, and he also walks on glass to not offend her.
Doesn’t set boundaries, letting her walk over him out of fear she’ll leave Spineless.
Puts her needs first, but not from generosity—from neediness.
Seeks approval, constantly looking for signs she likes him.
Tolerates bad behavior, because he doesn’t believe he can do better.

All he offers is comfort and low stakes, not spark or excitement, and thus he gets friend-zoned or ignored, not rewarded like he despesrately wants to in return for being such a pussy.

The "bad guy" doesn't play "the hire me as your boyfriend” interview. He lives in his own movie, and if she wants to be part of it, she has to earn her spot.

So the conversation needs to shift from “good vs bad” to “bland vs impactful.” The worst sin in the realm of desire isn’t being selfish, it’s being forgettable

Want to be desired? Then stimulate her, don’t serve her.

Want to be respected? Then lead, don’t submit.

Want to be remembered? Then challenge her, don’t chase her.

Existing-Big-3039 · 2025-05-21T11:29:44+00:00

Women are worse than men when it comes to dating. Fuck the bad boys at their best, marry the nice guys at their worst.

ThorLives · 2025-05-21T13:05:29+00:00

The whole "niceness is just a manipulation" stuff is wrong. Women confuse weakness with niceness. Don't be nice, even if it's authentic niceness, because women will confuse it for weakness. It has nothing to do with "all niceness is actually fake and inauthentic". That's just a cope so people can justify women's actions and continue to believe the "women are wonderful" effect.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-05-22T10:05:54+00:00

The goal is to make women feel good, that creates attraction. The misconception is that acting 'nice' achieves that. It doesn't.

Typically, you'd be tense, uncomfortable, nervous, reactive, make the women feel uncomfortable and uneasy in many ways; but use 'nice behaviour' as a tool to mask that. It doesn't work.

Frankly, 'being authentic' when you feel that way doesn't work either; which is why people try this approach. Authenticity isn't attractive; making people feel good, is attractive, and the problem is feeling 'enough', feeling comfortable, feeling good in the first place to offer that.

Legal-MorningW-24 · 2025-05-22T14:38:03+00:00

I agree but also think there's more to it than that. Being a "nice guy" is often associated with meekness, shyness, people pleaser, lack of confidence, etc. It's the opposite of what creates that spark for women and also what inspires respect from men.

I heard the term "kind man" and I like that better. I think it conveys intention and action more, as opposed to character or personality type like nice guy does.

Consistent_Gain_6362 · 2025-05-22T14:54:45+00:00

Nice guys, as in the nice guy syndrome, are like that due to their conditioning from childhood. Even before we know it we become nice guys. We don't know what's wrong with us. It's like apparently we have everything, still there's a hollow. It's so painful. So painful. Undoing decades of conditioning is so difficult. Trying to work on myself, it's lot of work.

hungzai · 2025-05-23T05:04:04+00:00

This is very enlightening.

You highlighted the difference with between genuine niceness and "sales person" niceness which is a great analogy. When sales people approach me with a smile on their faces ear to ear, I swerve away from them when I walk, much like how women avoid men that they do not find attractive.

I don't understand, under this analogy, why "being an asshole" creates attraction, albeit not a long lasting relationship. When people are assholes, I genuinely don't like them even if they aren't trying to sell me anything.

TytCanavari · 2025-05-25T06:46:11+00:00

Bad boys have guts to make fun of, being challenging towards a girls

And i dont if it is conscience but almost all the girls in my country who dates those guys are generally raised by poor parents and dont have well education

JackSquirts · 2025-05-21T08:57:06+00:00

Men confuse weakness with niceness. Women do not.

bassbeater · 2025-05-21T12:30:53+00:00

I don't wanna be nice, I wanna be a mean, nasty prick.

ResentCourtship2099 · 2025-05-21T10:18:30+00:00

Yeah this discussion will never end

Sandvicheater · 2025-05-21T15:49:25+00:00

Women's empathy levels are almost telepathic. Like they can filter the fake feelings and persona bullshit of pick up fuck boys and sense their true intentions.

So when you boys complain about shit tests, her waiting an entire month before giving you a blowjob or her juggling multiple men while seeing you is the reason why.

jackcallmemaybe · 2025-05-21T21:14:54+00:00

Yeah, this hits the nail on the head. It's not that women dislike kindness; they dislike manipulation disguised as kindness.

VientoDelNorte · 2025-05-21T12:01:43+00:00

The article, the reasoning, is contradictory.

If they hate them because they were cheated on by them before, it means they were initially attracted to a "nice guy."

So being a nice guy works.

VisionsOfVisions · 2025-05-21T15:20:13+00:00

Most nice guys have no idea how to create chemistry because they are too preoccupied and too "in their own heads." In other words, they have their own head so far up their own ass that they fail to see their interactions as the game and dance that it is.

For initial interactions, attraction is based on fun and exciting vibes. If your authentic self does not assert energy, tension, excitement, and a bit of mysterious wonder, you aren't going to get the time of day to express your authenticity in another encounter.

VelvetSinclair · 2025-05-21T07:13:34+00:00

Your post assumes all men just want sex

South_Speed_8480 · 2025-05-21T12:50:45+00:00

Women hate guys who take this so seriously. Not just nice guys. Well same thing

lilacillusions · 2025-05-21T13:49:57+00:00

I was about to strike you down but you couldn’t be more right. We can literally sense someone trying to have sex with us within a split second. Very obvious when someone is being disingenuous.

Khower · 2025-05-21T18:51:38+00:00

Women don't hate nice guys they just don't respect pushovers

LovelyRoseBoop · 2025-05-21T20:43:22+00:00

This is good analysis, add to this that a zero conflict/boundaries guy likely says "yes mam"/"what do I do?" in bed and I have to put him in all the positions. It's an actual psychosexual nightmare for a submissive.

Title	Why Women Hate Nice Guys - An In-Depth Explanation On Why You Lose Out
Author	FriendlyWrenChilling
Upvotes	294
Comments	72
Date	May 21, 2025 7:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1krrn2l/why_women_hate_nice_guys_an_indepth_explanation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-women-hate-nice-guys-an-in-depth-explanation.1552736 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552736

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