Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #11.

Context and goals:

Although I stated that I might need to skip a week to recuperate after my bad experiences last week, I eventually decided not to. Firstly, because I have gotten over it somewhat. Secondly, because this might lead to a habit of skipping. Thirdly, because one of the items in my cheat sheet is to accept that I’ll have bad nights, but to not be discouraged by them, and to learn from them instead.

In light of some feedback I received last week, I’ve added two new items to my cheat sheet. The first is to try to become less dependent on Meetups. Because these tend to be attended by at least several regulars, attending them will result in my faux pas – which I’ll inevitably commit at this stage – being remembered, resulting in consequences. Attending bars on my own and interacting exclusively with people I’ll never see again should, hopefully, result in any mistakes I make being forgotten and thus inconsequential. The second is to cease conversating with, and especially departing bars with, drunk women. Beyond the potential risks of the latter, it also defeats the purpose. I am not actually learning game if the women I talk to aren’t lucid, and would not be leaving with me if they were. So from now on, if I sense that a woman is drunk, probably best to just politely but quickly back out.

So tonight was my first night in which I intended to go and remain solo, and had no intention of joining a Meetup session at any point, from the get-go. Nevertheless, it was at a familiar bar, and my goals were my bread-and-butter routine of trying to take it easy, approaching 1 – 3 women, concentrating on the fundamentals of smiling, maintaining eye contact and speaking slowly/deeply, and maybe playing the “3 clues, 3 guesses as to what my job is” or “2 truths and a lie” games. You have to understand; I was very much trying to strike a balance between trying to step out of the comfort zone which Meetups afforded me, and avoiding another bad experience which would only discourage me further. (What’s more, I think that I actually need to stick with and execute my bread-and-butter routine consistently over the course of at least a few weeks, rather than stray from it and spiral off into ineffectual randomness, which is what I think I’ve been doing).

Account:

Very little to report tonight. Which might, in retrospect, be an acceptable outcome for the time being. When I arrived at the bar, it was almost completely deserted – which I thought strange for a bar in the middle of the city on a Friday night, and had not been the case on prior occasions. I wasn’t in the mood to go scrounging around the city for another one, though, so I elected to just wait and hope that the crowd picked up. There was one set there – two women and a guy – whom I approached. I couldn’t manage to section off either of the two from the broader conversation, and I eventually learned that both of them already had boyfriends anyway, so I abandoned the prospect and just enjoyed the conversation. I tell you; things are so much easier and more relaxed when you’re just talking to someone for the sake of talking to them and aren’t worried about trying to seduce them, about getting your words and expressions and body language among other things exactly right – it’s actually possible to enjoy yourself. Eventually, the crowd did pick up, if only slightly. I approached three more women that night, but I could very quickly tell that two of them did not like me, whilst the third rejected me immediately. And that’s pretty much all there is to report about this evening.

Reflection:

Well, I’m relieved that nothing major went wrong this evening. I am dubious, however, as to what extent I learned anything this evening. I seem to be able to approach women at bars without the pretext of a Meetup well enough, although, as was the case during night #7, I don’t seem to get much, if anything, out of doing so. Now that I’ve recuperated a bit after night #10, and given that there weren’t many people at this bar tonight, next week, I might try venturing solo to an unfamiliar bar. I fear, though, that the same thing will happen.

I must say that, even though it offered limited prospects, I rather liked the atmosphere of the bar when it wasn’t too crowded and noisy. It was so much less suffocating and intimidating. It meant that I could actually have a conversation with the other party, and could sit and read a book in between approaches to remuster my energy. If I could find a bar with an atmosphere like his but which there were slightly more women at, that would constitute an ideal environment for me.

Folks I know that I’m being a negative nelly here, but I’m starting to have doubts as to what extent this enterprise is going to yield fruit. 4 unresponsive phone numbers and 2 drunken one-night stands just doesn’t seem like much of a yield after 45 approaches. Despite having watched hundreds of videos, the fact is, I simply don’t know what I’m doing here. (I want to stress, though, that I can and will stick with it no matter what, and that I’m not even going to consider stopping until after I’ve approached a full 100).

Tally:

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Approaches: 45.

Immediate rejections: 14.

Conversations: 22.

Phone number rejections: 14.

Phone numbers: 4.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 2.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.