I’m a 30 year old guy and recently got out of a 3-year relationship. The separation was mostly mutual, because we were both too similar in our issues. Our sex life was sparingly at best from the get-go. She got off the pill shortly before we met, which somehow killed her libido and I have my share of weird intimacy issues.

I’ve only ever had two girlfriends whom I’ve had sex with. I find it hard to get in the mood mentally, because I keep finding myself in a fight-or-flight-esque anxiety.

At first I thought this was due to me being so used to solo play, so I’ve been doing my best to abstain from porn and masturbation for the past two years, but that didn’t solve my anxieties.

Whenever I’m having intercourse I am hit with a barrage of paranoia towards sustaining sexual injuries, especially bending my johnson the wrong way and “breaking” it. This fear completely overshadows the mood and doesn’t allow me to be dominant in the sack. I’m also irrationally afraid of getting my dick cut off and put in a blender while I sleep by a sweetheart turning psycho. Maybe I’m missing the hormones that allow me to experience sensuality and deep trust. I am addressing these issues, which most likely are rooted in the past with a professional.

I’m somewhat socially awkward, but able to flirt up women at parties and on the street from time to time. Yet when things escalate towards going home with them, I have chickened out twice already, because I fear not being able to perform and simply enjoy it without all these unwanted fears popping up.

QUESTION: Should I be upfront about my sex-related issues and general inexperience or would that only put women off? How and when should I broach the subject? I know working on psychological issues will take a while, yet I don't want to stay away from the dating world until these issues are worked out.