Ok seriously what is my problem.

jalabharxo · 2013-05-17T21:33:14+00:00

I'm in the process of stepping out of comfort zone. A common theme in my life. I'm either too shy and awkward And it's not like they find me attractive I have confidence issues obviously

I am going to give you some real talk here and it's because I love you, not because I'm trying to attack you or make fun of you. I'm still a noob at this, so I'm no expert. But over and over again in this little post you diss yourself and your abilities, and that's a sign to me that you need to take a real hard look at that stuff. Game's fun and all, but the more I research it, the more I realize that how you feel about you matters way more than how much energy you put in or what approaches you choose to make.

You're asking what your problem is, and I'll tell you something that's still hard for me to hear about myself: You. Have. No. Problem. You are a good guy in good shape who dresses nice and is doing the work of approaching and getting better at it. So stop believing that you're doing it wrong or that everything is failing. You say you have confidence issues, and in my experience working on your confidence doesn't mean making yourself feel bad when you can't close -- it means tracking down the feelings that make you have low confidence, and conquering the hell out of those. Seddit's full of help and advice for doing that.

You even say you have "a common problem that holds me back," so: fix it. Approaching with low confidence and then beating yourself up when it doesn't work is just going to make you worse of a mess. Fix your feelings about yourself first, get the confidence you need, and then I am sure all of these PUAs will tell you you'll see magic happen when you jump back into the fray.

pacg · 2013-05-17T20:44:01+00:00

Is the energy too high perhaps?

2013-05-18T00:22:03+00:00

You're outcome dependent. Stop being outcome dependent.

to_all · 2013-05-18T03:02:23+00:00

People can tell when someone is 'trying too hard' and it can be seen as somewhat desperate. And is a turn off for any type of interaction.

Also, your body language might shout 'I'm all yours', e.g. if you're directly facing them, trying to make them like you, dropping so many jokes just to get attention and laughs, letting them interrupt during conversation (you didn't mention this - but maybe this happens). You mentioned in another post you're equivalent of high energy is normal for most, and while that's fine, you should care less about trying to entertain people, and focus more about yourself.

Make them work a little more (try giving an air of busy/disinterested so they're not like 'oh boy buckle down for the long haul this is going to be a long, drawn out conversation). Seem distracted, look haphazardly away when talking, and turn your body a bit to the side like it looks like you're about to turn away. Take a pause before you say a sentence. These type of gestures will make you seem more important and not some roamer who needs to attach themselves to someone.

gramblenator · 2013-05-18T09:49:04+00:00

Here's a tip for maintaining eye contact and maintaining confidence for you my good man.

Step 1. Round house kick the bathroom door open and stare into your eyes through the mirror for 5 minutes. Step 2. WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT Go to the gas station and get yourself a candy bar for being so awesome. Say "by the way, what's your favorite candy bar?", I don't care who it is. If it's a cute girl, awesome, if it's an overweight old man, awesome. Find out what the ultimate candy bar for them is. If they say something other than your candy bar, say "no way, you like ___ candy bar more than my candy bar"

fluff

if they agree that your candy bar is indeed their favorite candy bar, you say "heck yeah it is." Be sure to round house kick your way out of the gas station.

Congratulations, with this small process you've become more experienced in a) maintaining eye contact b) initiating conversation c) scaling as an alpha male, and d) improving confidence.

Next time you're at the mall and feeling all awesome inside, go grab yourself a bag of candy. Oh, there's a pretty lady, let me see what her favorite candy out of my awesome bag is. No matter what she says, it's yours too. Ask her why. Enjoy that 5 minute convo about a bag of candy.

Expand on each topic as much as possible, once it's starts fading, then open up a new one. Speak your mind, do not falter. Don't think about what you're going to say, say it. Even if it's the dumbest thing coming out of an elephants butthole, say it. Because you will learn what and what not to say, and at least you said something and not being a quiet gremlin.

Everything is relevant my good man. Down to the tiniest detail.

Point it out.

/ramble

rikjames90 · 2013-05-18T19:47:57+00:00

You cant win them all. Remember girls get nervous as well. on to the next. There are millions of girls out there

Title	Ok seriously what is my problem.
Author	notquiteengineer
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	May 17, 2013 8:41 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ejfsi/ok_seriously_what_is_my_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ok-seriously-what-is-my-problem.1352405 https://theredarchive.com/post/1352405

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